upon further review

[JudyB]

After a great deal of thought, I've decided to either take a break from, or perhaps leave this forum.
I think that coming back after 3 times of being a duck at a personal target shooting practice is what they call destructive behavior. Some people thrive on negative drama, I am not one of those, and to be honest, some pretty hurtful things have been said, both currently and previously.

I do really want to say that I got a lot from this forum, and the help that was so generously given me has been more valuable than I can say. So thank you all for that. I hope that I've been able to give back just a little bit with some of the help I've tried to give others.

I will still check for PM's, and will respond to my threads if someone dredges them up.

 

[sbarnhardt]

Come on! Don't let some bad outweigh the good.

At times a person just has to let certain folks and/or comments go in one ear and straight out the other.

Pick yourself a "code word/phrase", so to speak, known only to you!! Then that word can mean "anything" you want it to from one extreme to the other if you catch my drift. Then when someone ticks you off, hurts your feelings, or otherwise you can interject that word. You will have the functional equivelant of telling the person to "blank blank blank" and be done with them.

???

 

[Nybonsai12]

Judy,
I have enjoyed your threads, your trees, your greenhouse pics etc.. Sorry to see you go.

With that said i think to participate in any internet forum you need to have thicker skin and not get personally offended by comments made from total strangers.

 

[GrimLore]

If this is regarding Vance please try to understand it was a medical problem causing that series of "less then appropriate" behavior. It is under control now... Would certainly hate to see you leave

Grimmy

 

[KennedyMarx]

I hope you change your mind and come back. I've enjoyed your threads on your deciduous trees. I hate to see another nice person leave.

 

[dick benbow]

Judy, I can relate. I just left a koi forum where my integrity and knowledge were put in question. I shared from a base of 35 years and still no respect.

Since meeting you at Weyerhaeuser, It's been fun following your threads. I will miss you not being here. But understand your need to get away. Sometimes allowing your mind to refocus on
other things may bring you back again eventually.

If not, I will send you a PM with my home email address and would welcome any communication to maintain the friendship should you desire.

 

[JudyB]

With that said i think to participate in any internet forum you need to have thicker skin and not get personally offended by comments made from total strangers.

I've been here for a fair amount of time, I'm not new to the kind of things that happen on forums. And I have a pretty thick skin.

Let me ask you this, if you were standing under a tree that a bird was in and it crapped on you more than once, who's fault is it if you don't have enough sense to get out from under it?

Comments are one thing- personal attacks are another.

 

[Nybonsai12]

I've been here for a fair amount of time, I'm not new to the kind of things that happen on forums. And I have a pretty thick skin.

Let me ask you this, if you were standing under a tree that a bird was in and it crapped on you more than once, who's fault is it if you don't have enough sense to get out from under it?

Comments are one thing- personal attacks are another.

Fair enough but let me ask you this,

Say that same tree has delicious apples you like to eat, do you go hungry for fear of getting crapped on? Or do you wash the crap off after collecting and go on to enjoy your apples?

 

[Jester217300]

Trying to convince or force someone to stay doesn't really help in the long run. Forums can be difficult, sometimes it's best to walk away and assess weather it's a good idea to return or not.

My only point is that I'm usually not a fan of public announcements to leave. I think it makes it harder to come back if you want to and you open yourself up to potentially more criticism.

Judy, I haven't interacted with you personally as I'm not confident enough to contribute much on this forum but I have followed most of your posts and I really respect both you and your collection. We're not too far away, I hope that once I become more well versed in bonsai our paths will cross, I would love to come out and see your setup some day. Until then good luck!

 

[JudyB]

If the apples were causing me stress, then I'd find a new apple tree to eat from.


As to the feeling that letting people that I've come to care about here know that I'll miss them and am thankful for their help is in bad taste or something... well sorry about that Jester.

 

[lordy]

Judy, I have recently come to a similar decision due to particular members. My choice originally was to just bail, but after a while decided to not let personality differences dictate my level of use and enjoyment and enrichment. I simply dont post as much, skim the posts and posters, and generally skip those who I tend to have differences with. This helps me stay current as much as allowed by a forum, and maybe I can help others by posting what experiences I have accumulated. I remember you giving me advice once upon a time, that being to create threads of some of my trees, because that is what this forum tends to be about. I try to keep that in mind, and thank you for that.
Try not tossing out the bathwater just yet. The baby may still be in there.

 

[Vin]

JudyB,

I was there not long ago myself. I belong to a couple philanthropic organizations and the same thing happens - people lose focus. This forum exists (or at least it should) for the betterment and encouragement of individuals interested in or desiring to be a part of the art of bonsai. If we were all Masters we certainly wouldn't need this or any other forum. Although I don't know you on a personal level, I can tell from reading your posts and replies that you are indeed a good person with a helpful nature and pleasing disposition. I would be most grateful if you would allow me to PM you on occasion with questions or advice. Good luck!

Vince

 

[jk_lewis]

And, of course, you can always go into your profile/settings pages and add the names of people whose posts you don't want to see or hear from to your "Ignore List."

It's probably not perfect, but . . .

 

[Jester217300]

As to the feeling that letting people that I've come to care about here know that I'll miss them and am thankful for their help is in bad taste or something... well sorry about that Jester.

Not my intent Sorry for weighing in.

 

[Cadillactaste]

Sorry that you were personally attacked. I know I enjoyed your photos. You have given so many so much valued information, myself included.We will surely notice that missing from your absence. But, I get why you feel the need to distance yourself from undo stress.

One can only have so much thick skin...peace of mind goes hand in hand. When visiting a place and being personally attacked steals your peace of mind. Then...one must do what is best for their well being.

I hope from time to time...since you plan on checking your PM's and such...that if you have a brainstorm...that you find a moment to break your distance and post something here to share with us all. With that...I wish you the best.

 

[coh]

Jim beat me to it..."ignore" can help, if you find that particular members are repeatedly causing distress. Of course, that only works if you always log in, if you come to the forum as a guest (as I often do) you'll see their posts. And if someone else quotes an offensive post, you'll see that as well.

There have been a number of times when I've almost decided to stop visiting this forum (and others) due to these kinds of issues and I have taken breaks of various lengths. But I find there is enough good to outweigh the bad, and I always come back.

Chris

 

[barrosinc]

It happens on every forum in the world... just let it slide and don't go back to harmful threads.

It's the internet, don't worry!

 

[Paradox]

Judy...

I would really hate to see you go. In my opinion, you are one of the more positive contributors to this forum. I have really enjoyed seeing your trees. You have always freely and selflessly been willing to give advice and comments and that has been a great help to me with my own trees. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that.

I can understand how you feel. I am not fond of the direction that threads some times go in around here either and Ive also thought about leaving the forum myself more than once. I didnt because the good information I get outweighs the discussions gone bad experiences that happen every so often.

I hope you stick around because I feel your leaving would be a loss to this place.

Take care.

 

[fore]

Judy, it's been pretty much summed up already and I'm in complete concurrence! You've been a very positive forum member with exc. trees. I'll surely miss you! Take care of yourself and we can all hope you'll make it back sometime soon!

Chris

 

[MACH5]

This is very unfortunate and sad for me to hear Judy. This forum is in need of those that provide quality content and you are one of those without question. I ask you to please reconsider. I know you'll make the right decision.