the queer folks thread

[PerryB]

"Romantic relationships between the opposites create a much stronger connection between the two."

If there ever was a more telling statement of inexperience it's this...Do you actually KNOW anyone who has been in a committed long-term same-sex relationship, or hell even a heterosexual marriage that's lasted more than, say, 40 years? Let's just say everyone is human. Humans love one another, that bond is individual. I know PLENTY of male/female romantic relationships that hit the rocks after 1, 5, 10 or even longer. I know the same for gay couples. I also know many long term relationships that have lasted decades and decades and show no signs of breaking. People are people. The connection isn't dependent on what they do in their bedroom. Lasting relationships are not based primarily on the physical. Thinking so is silly.

Not to argue your valid point, but yes!
My parents were married for 42 years before mom died from brain cancer at 60.
My maternal grandparents were married for71 years.
My in-laws were married for 64 years.
My husband and I have been together since 1988 (36 years in August) but couldn't legally marry until 2009. The only opposite feature of our relationship is that he's the most gregarious person I've ever met and I'm the most introverted person he's ever met. We've had a lot of "thicks and thins" over the years, but are still madly in love.

 

[pandacular]

Ugh, I feel sick to my stomach after reading an article about the anti-queer messaging coming from a major Colorado political party. Among the phrases they used were “God hates flags” and “Burn all the pride flags this June.” Absolutely abhorrent, as you can no doubt supply the neighboring word they’re alluding to with “flag.” This sort of dog whistling for violence in a country well known for mass violence against marginalized groups is dangerous and heartbreaking.

 

[pandacular]

alright, i went outside with my trees to cool my head. stomach feels better but my heart still hurts.

I decided to send a text to my mentor in the club, offering more help on her trees. She’s a lesbian woman who is 50 years my senior to the month, and what a lovely woman she is! She’s been in the club since the 80s and has learned from most of the teachers on the West Coast who were active in the 90s and 2000s. I have been helping her work on her collection, which has struggled following the passing of her partner in the midst of the pandemic, and we’ve become fast friends.

 

[ShadyStump]

Ugh, I feel sick to my stomach after reading an article about the anti-queer messaging coming from a major Colorado political party. Among the phrases they used were “God hates flags” and “Burn all the pride flags this June.” Absolutely abhorrent, as you can no doubt supply the neighboring word they’re alluding to with “flag.” This sort of dog whistling for violence in a country well known for mass violence against marginalized groups is dangerous and heartbreaking.

I live there, and I have neither seen nor heard of any such thing.
Not saying there aren't all of 100 people max in the whole state who are involved, just that you can tell allot about your sources by what and how the present things.
Why do they want you to feel hated?

 

[pandacular]

Brother, the source is the party’s own twitter…I don’t know how to convince you otherwise that this sort of rhetoric is bad.

Make no mistake about it: queer people are hated, and there are massive swaths of the world where physical safety and being true to oneself are not compatible.

 

[ShadyStump]

Brother, the source is the party’s own twitter…I don’t know how to convince you otherwise that this sort of rhetoric is bad.

Not saying it's not bad. Saying they're shit talking weasels, and mostly harmless. 50% of social media posts are bogus, another 40% are so inaccurate they might as well be, and the rest is just people talking out their asses. And all the major so called news networks on TV get the vast majority of their stories from social media.
The only reason you know about this is because you're listening to someone who wants you to be scared.
DO NOT let anyone else convince you to live in fear. Especially the ones who say they do it for your own good.
Quit the doom scrolling.

I'd still be drunk today if I hadn't put a complete moratorium on all news in my life. And I've yet to feel like I've missed anything important.

 

[Cajunrider]

Not to argue your valid point, but yes!
My parents were married for 42 years before mom died from brain cancer at 60.
My maternal grandparents were married for71 years.
My in-laws were married for 64 years.
My husband and I have been together since 1988 (36 years in August) but couldn't legally marry until 2009. The only opposite feature of our relationship is that he's the most gregarious person I've ever met and I'm the most introverted person he's ever met. We've had a lot of "thicks and thins" over the years, but are still madly in love.

My parents will be celebrating their 75th anniversary soon. Of course, all the children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren will be there. A product of arranged marriage under the social construct at the time, they didn't consummate their marriage until 5 years after they were married because they both believe in a marriage with love. They couldn't stop the wedding, so it happened. Yet they took 5 years to know their feelings before becoming close.

Following their cue, all the children are in lasting relationships. Mine is 43 years and will be until death I am sure. The same go with my brothers' and sisters'. We have learned that devotion to one another grows love faster than bio-gold. Physical attraction and our capability to respond to physical attraction may fade but love and devotion to one another is lasting.

 

[Gabler]

I just had an idea for a funny response:

 

[NateDyk47]

Not saying it's not bad. Saying they're shit talking weasels, and mostly harmless. 50% of social media posts are bogus, another 40% are so inaccurate they might as well be, and the rest is just people talking out their asses. And all the major so called news networks on TV get the vast majority of their stories from social media.
The only reason you know about this is because you're listening to someone who wants you to be scared.
DO NOT let anyone else convince you to live in fear. Especially the ones who say they do it for your own good.
Quit the doom scrolling.

I'd still be drunk today if I hadn't put a complete moratorium on all news in my life. And I've yet to feel like I've missed anything important.

I totally agree with this. There will always be shit people in the world, and social media lets us (forces us??) to be exposed to the worst of them. I do think it's good to be aware of what's going on in the world, but "doom scrolling" to the extent that it's harming your mental health isn't going to help anybody.

 

[leatherback]

 

[Cajunrider]

So I participated in this thread and the power that be thought I have potential.

 

[dbonsaiw]

The media is an evil POS that is constantly stoking hatred and fear. And with the upcoming election, there will be lots more where that came from.

 

[rockm]

Uh, the 'Burn the pride flag" and 'God Hates" thing in Colorado didn't originate on social media. It was contained in a campaign fundraising email from the chairman of the state Republican party. The email and the party's response to it has caused some serious rifts in the state. Blaming "the big bad evil media" for something some high ranking fool in the party sent out as an official party message is silly.

It's not the media's fault the guy is an inept, oafish moron who is all about unforced, stupid mean-spirited errors. The media is not reporting baseless lies. Potential donors and party members received the chairman's email. It shed a really shitty light on them. THEY exposed it. The media just reprinted his email and put some context around it (. I would want to know if the leader of a major political party was actively suggesting destruction of property and stoking possible violence in my area.

 

[pandacular]

Threat of property destruction is the least of my concerns: this sort of rhetoric borders on stochastic terrorism.

But I guess at this point I’d rather steer it back towards my bonsai mentor, who I was helping out yesterday as well. For an older woman, she sure like’s large trees, so I always make myself available to move them around!

I decided to send a text to my mentor in the club, offering more help on her trees. She’s a lesbian woman who is 50 years my senior to the month, and what a lovely woman she is! She’s been in the club since the 80s and has learned from most of the teachers on the West Coast who were active in the 90s and 2000s. I have been helping her work on her collection, which has struggled following the passing of her partner in the midst of the pandemic, and we’ve become fast friends.

 

[Wires_Guy_wires]

Quit the doom scrolling.

This is important.
I had this discussion with some students a while back. They told me that they felt hated because of their beliefs, sexual orientation or dietary choices.

They explained that all they see on the internet is activism on both sides, and that they feel like there's never an easy browsing experience. It's always this, or that..
Then we proceeded to go about real life experiences, like how many times someone said something hateful in the past 6 months. Only the vegan said she encountered some light teasing from her friends.
We then discussed how many times they found support. "Never" was the answer.
"But if you did not experience hate, with one exception, and you were treated as dignified human beings for all the other times, how come you feel hated?"
"Because it's all we see on the internet."

I asked them to turn off their GPS, uninstall a couple apps, clear their phones cache memory and take a new advertorial ID from their google settings.. All the hate was gone until they re-engaged with it and the algorithm lured them back in.
In real life, I haven't seen much hate lately. The live and let live thing is big here and I consider all lack of hate a sign of love.

You can do the same trick with cooky conservatives, simply by asking them how often they've experienced those "threats to their way of life" in real life recently. You'll probably hear that it never happened and it was all in their internet-minds. So maybe they should just stay away from that and go out in real life to see how the world is doing.

 

[PerryB]

This is important.
I had this discussion with some students a while back. They told me that they felt hated because of their beliefs, sexual orientation or dietary choices.

They explained that all they see on the internet is activism on both sides, and that they feel like there's never an easy browsing experience. It's always this, or that..
Then we proceeded to go about real life experiences, like how many times someone said something hateful in the past 6 months. Only the vegan said she encountered some light teasing from her friends.
We then discussed how many times they found support. "Never" was the answer.
"But if you did not experience hate, with one exception, and you were treated as dignified human beings for all the other times, how come you feel hated?"
"Because it's all we see on the internet."

I asked them to turn off their GPS, uninstall a couple apps, clear their phones cache memory and take a new advertorial ID from their google settings.. All the hate was gone until they re-engaged with it and the algorithm lured them back in.
In real life, I haven't seen much hate lately. The live and let live thing is big here and I consider all lack of hate a sign of love.

You can do the same trick with cooky conservatives, simply by asking them how often they've experienced those "threats to their way of life" in real life recently. You'll probably hear that it never happened and it was all in their internet-minds. So maybe they should just stay away from that and go out in real life to see how the world is doing.

There's a lot of truth here, and yet...
I got off Facebook 8 years ago because not only was the algorithm bringing negativity my way, I was also seeing the ridiculous and vile thoughts of some my cousins.
In my day-to-day life in the DC metropolitan region, I never experience hate. I am out and not just accepted but largely celebrated in my neighborhood, my gym, my bonsai club, etc.
Still, my sister and BIL only "tolerate" me and my brother can't even do that.

All of my fundamentalist relatives think that they are being targeted and persecuted for their beliefs.

 

[Wires_Guy_wires]

Still, my sister and BIL only "tolerate" me and my brother can't even do that.

I don't tolerate my sisters very well. One got a psychology degree and only talks as if everybody is a patient, and she never dares to share any personal stories because.. We're treated as patients. And she wonders why we don't invite her.

The other, oh boy, I don't like her because of her partner choice and how she defends the guy when he's an hour late for a funeral. They just bought a house and he's too lazy to even pick up a rag.

Siblings, ugh, they're just the way they are.

 

[pandacular]

Found this while shopping online for a white suiban (still looking). Bi flag as cheap bonsai pots

 

[Cajunrider]

There's a lot of truth here, and yet...
I got off Facebook 8 years ago because not only was the algorithm bringing negativity my way, I was also seeing the ridiculous and vile thoughts of some my cousins.
In my day-to-day life in the DC metropolitan region, I never experience hate. I am out and not just accepted but largely celebrated in my neighborhood, my gym, my bonsai club, etc.
Still, my sister and BIL only "tolerate" me and my brother can't even do that.

All of my fundamentalist relatives think that they are being targeted and persecuted for their beliefs.

The algorithm of most things internet brings you things you respond/interact with the most regardless of your feeling. I am on FB because my friends and family are on it. With it, I am able to console, pray for them, bring them food when they are sick and can’t cook, etc.

Of course, my circle of people are not all saints or sinners. I get good stuff and bad stuff. I respond to the good and ignore the bad and move on with my life.

 

[shohin_branches]

I have lately been wondering about the number of LGBT kids relative to the total population. As a kid, I learned that one in ten people was born gay. I've since learned that number is outdated, but it's at least clear clear that amongst adults, the queer community is a minority group. However, amongst teenagers, the proportions seem to be inverted. Is it a confirmation bias on my part, or is it a real phenomenon? If it's real, why the sudden uptick? Does it mean anything, or am I just asking how many angels can dance on the head of a pin? I can't seem to find any sources with answers that don't have a clear political bias.

It feels like a lot more kids are Queer because kids have never felt safe enough to be open about how they feel in the past. When I was in high school (2000 to 2004) 25% of queer youth were homeless, literally kicked out of their homes by their parents for being gay.

We also lost of whole generation of gay men in the 80's to AIDS. All of my mom's gay friends from her 20's died in the AIDS epidemic. So if you used the boomer generation as your baseline for the number of gay people in the population then there is a very large tragedy to understand. 600,000 people are missing from that statistic because our society didn't think they were human enough to save.

I didn't know being gay was even an option when I was younger because society told me that as a woman I was supposed to end up with a man. I spent a very long time trying to like guys and it didn't work for me. Finally, after years of trying to fit into compulsory heterosexuality I realized that I liked women. Youth these days have media representation and they have the space to figure out what kind of person they're attracted to.

We've always been here, there is no increase in LGBTQ+ people, there is just an increase in visibility of LGBTQ+ people.