The list: You aren't doing bonsai unless you have:

[Nybonsai12]

59) You haven't done bonsai unless you've stared at the background of a bnutters pic to see what other trees they have in development.

 

[Maros]

60) You haven't done bonsai unless you've been prompted by senior member of Bnut to either back up your credentials by posting significant amount of progression threads or to f*** off and shut up.

 

[Cajunrider]

59) You haven't done bonsai unless you've stared at the background of a bnutters pic to see what other trees they have in development.

Guilty!

 

[Cajunrider]

You aren't doing bonsai unless you argued about soil for 5 hours

Only 5 hours???!!
That is just the amount of research to make one post. Next are the weeks to do experiments to back up your claim. Then comes the sulk when some nuts say their anecdotal evidence trump your experiments.

 

[Cajunrider]

The problem is all inside your head, she said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to practice bonsai

She said, it's really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued
But I'll repeat myself at the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways to practice bonsai
Fifty ways to practice bonsai

You just do a graft, Jack
Wire all the branch, Stan
You just need to argue soil, Roy
Show progress on your own trees
Hop on the Nut bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss roots
Just dig up the tree, Lee
And collect your free tree

Ooh, trap all the rats, Jack
Shoot the gator, Cajun
You don't need to buy fancy soil, Roy
You just go NAPA
Airlayer the bush, Gus
You don't need to discuss rust
Just drop all the leaves, Lee
And water your trees

She said it grieves me so to see you in such pain
I wish there was something I could do to make you smile again
I said I appreciate that and would you please explain
About the fifty ways

She said, why don't we both just sleep on it tonight?
And I believe in the morning you'll begin to see the light
And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right
There must be fifty ways to practice bonsai
Fifty ways to practice bonsai

You just buy all the pots, Josh
Graft a new branch, Dave
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just smuggle the seeds
Oh, you hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss tops
Just chop off the tree, Lee
And buy a mallsai.

 

[Deleted member 47471]

All that for a procumbens

A very non-refined one at that

 

[GreatLakesBrad]

59) You aren't doing bonsai unless you've done a deep dive on local collecting options and permitting, leveraged your network of friends and family to ask if you can snoop around their property to dig up an ugly (to them) stunted tree, and wrestled with the ethical and moral implications of extracting trees from the wild
60) You aren't doing bonsai unless you've met Bnut members in real life at a show and laughed about something on the forum
61) You aren't doing bonsai unless you've joined a club or connected with real life humans with a shared interest in bonsai and been so delighted that other small tree nerds actually exist
62) You aren't doing bonsai unless you've spent countless times explaining to your friends and family why most of your trees don't look like trees (yet!)
63) You aren't doing bonsai unless you've had the absolute pleasure of experiencing the Bonsai 2-step and recognizing that the number of trees you have in development is entirely unsustainable

 

[Shogun610]

64) you aren’t doing bonsai unless you have a collection of rocks / stones
65) You aren’t doing bonsai unless you’ve thought to yourself “f - - - that person, they’re just rich” when flexing their trees.
66) You ain’t doin Bonsai unless you’ve corrected someone’s Latin pronunciation of a specific tree
67) If your phone hasn’t autocorrected permission with persimmon or repot with report then you ain’t doin bonsai
68) if you haven’t daydreamed and thought of a Bonsai Empire Garden tour intro speech and picked out the song , then you ain’t doin bonsai.

 

[Paradox]

Only 5 hours???!!
That is just the amount of research to make one post. Next are the weeks to do experiments to back up your claim. Then comes the sulk when some nuts say their anecdotal evidence trump your experiments.

Ok..AT LEAST 5 hours for just the arguing

 

[Paradox]

The problem is all inside your head, she said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to practice bonsai

She said, it's really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued
But I'll repeat myself at the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways to practice bonsai
Fifty ways to practice bonsai

You just do a graft, Jack
Wire all the branch, Stan
You just need to argue soil, Roy
Show progress on your own trees
Hop on the Nut bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss roots
Just dig up the tree, Lee
And collect your free tree

Ooh, trap all the rats, Jack
Shoot the gator, Cajun
You don't need to buy fancy soil, Roy
You just go NAPA
Airlayer the bush, Gus
You don't need to discuss rust
Just drop all the leaves, Lee
And water your trees

She said it grieves me so to see you in such pain
I wish there was something I could do to make you smile again
I said I appreciate that and would you please explain
About the fifty ways

She said, why don't we both just sleep on it tonight?
And I believe in the morning you'll begin to see the light
And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right
There must be fifty ways to practice bonsai
Fifty ways to practice bonsai

You just buy all the pots, Josh
Graft a new branch, Dave
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just smuggle the seeds
Oh, you hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss tops
Just chop off the tree, Lee
And buy a mallsai.

Must be winter....you got too much time on your hands....

 

[KikurageOtomo]

65) You aren’t doing bonsai unless you’ve thought to yourself “f - - - that person, they’re just rich” when flexing their trees.

Why do I have this faint nagging feeling that I know the exact individual you're alluding to.

 

[Shogun610]

Why do I have this faint nagging feeling that I know the exact individual you're alluding to.

There’s not just one person there’s many actually but I can’t confirm or deny that person you’re eluding to is in that category

 

[snowman04]

Based on this thread I will never do bonsai! But I am laughing my azz off...

 

[Nybonsai12]

69) you aren’t doing bonsai unless you have nuked a tree with pesticides and done more damage than any bug could have ever dreamed of

 

[Lorax7]

70. You aren’t doing bonsai unless you have accidentally pronounced the word “bonfire” as “bone fire”.

 

[Wulfskaar]

71. You aren't doing bonsai unless you have multiple published pictures of yourself with your hands over your tree.

 

[WinstonWolfe]

72. You aren't doing bonsai until you save your stairway construction scraps to be used as potting angle blocks
73. You aren't doing bonsai until you have a large collection of driftwood that "might become a tanuki" at some future date... with some future tree
74. You aren't doing bonsai until you break a pair of pruning shears from overuse

 

[Michigan Tree Murderer]

You aren't doing bonsai, unless you've installed a weather station with multiple sensors to monitor everything including the greenhouse and it's wifi capable with uploading to the cloud so you can easily check weather conditions while at work so you can worry about your trees.

I do that for free.

 

[Michigan Tree Murderer]

75. You aren't doing bonsai until you get arrested for timber poaching in a National Park during a rock climbing class.

 

[Lorax7]

76. You aren’t doing bonsai unless you have wired a branch to a piece of re-bar and used a turnbuckle to bend it.
77. You aren’t doing bonsai unless you’ve buried a statue in the ground despite being neither a pirate nor Indiana Jones.
78. You aren’t doing bonsai unless you’ve used a whole roll of electrical tape without ever installing any kind of outlet or light fixture in your home.