Look here and Critique Please...

[Bolero]

I should have also posted this here....Post number 7

http://bonsainut.com/index.php?threads/what-to-do-with-a-shimpaku.20194/#post-279839

 

[klosi]

You should copy and paste your post here. It would be easier for members to comment and discuss.
Anyway I like it The small details and such. Not seeing the junipers very well. Do you have any more pics? It looks like thejunis are mainly just twigs in a soil.

 

[JudyB]

Can you take another picture with a lower angle, looking straight into the trees instead of down on them? That would be the best way for folks to be able to help you with advice.

 

[Bolero]

You should copy and paste your post here. It would be easier for members to comment and discuss.
Anyway I like it The small details and such. Not seeing the junipers very well. Do you have any more pics? It looks like thejunis are mainly just twigs in a soil.

Klosi, thank you for commenting... the Shimpaku have been growing in the setting for 3 years+ and pruned twice a year ...what or how should they look so as not to convey the look of being just stuck in the dirt ???

More pictures on the way...

 

[Brian Van Fleet]

You seemed very confident in your vision, design, and maintenance of the composition on the other thread.
What changed that you're now seeking a critique?
Your photos of the composition for which you're seeking a critique:

First up, I'd get the whole thing in a wider, shallower, dark unglazed oval that compliments the rocks. A pot shouldn't draw any attention to itself if you're trying to portray a landscape scene. It has a nice glaze, but not good for this setting.

Second, I like the landscaping and tree placement, but I would keep the front row of trees shorter, and grow the back trees just a bit taller to create a forced perspective of a far-view; especially the two in the back left.. If you're trying to create a near view, you'd reverse that. I don't think the landscape is large enough to pull off a near view.

Third, I like the ground cover that has been allowed to grow in the center, it is less contrived than the moss in the front left. Let both continue growing to cover most of the bonsai soil, until you're just seeing bonsai soil peeking out along the edges of the rocks. It will look more settled.

 

[Bolero]

4 additional pictures, I've trimmed out some of the Ground cover (B4 reading Brians post BTW)

 

[JudyB]

Oddly, I like the third view the best. I think the best thing visually you can do would be the larger shallower pot that BVF suggested you do. I like the glaze and the pot too, but not for this planting.

 

[Bolero]

You seemed very confident in your vision, design, and maintenance of the composition on the other thread.
What changed that you're now seeking a critique?
Your photos of the composition for which you're seeking a critique:
Its going into a show next week and I thought it might be helpful to get some critiquing before hand to possibly make any changes. It show is not Juried, not Bonsai Judged, but many Bonsai Professionals will be there...
View attachment 80338 View attachment 80339
First up, I'd get the whole thing in a wider, shallower, dark unglazed oval that compliments the rocks. A pot shouldn't draw any attention to itself if you're trying to portray a landscape scene. It has a nice glaze, but not good for this setting.
I will do that in about 2 more years when I RePot...

Second, I like the landscaping and tree placement, but I would keep the front row of trees shorter, and grow the back trees just a bit taller to create a forced perspective of a far-view; especially the two in the back left.. I will attempt that when I RePot If you're trying to create a near view, you'd reverse that. I don't think the landscape is large enough to pull off a near view.

Third, I like the ground cover that has been allowed to grow in the center, it is less contrived than the moss in the front left. Let both continue growing to cover most of the bonsai soil, until you're just seeing bonsai soil peeking out along the edges of the rocks. It will look more settled.

I have trimmed out some of the Baby Tears to expose more of the Ravine washed out look and I will rearrange the front moss so as not to look so Contrived, if that is at all possible...

Thank you Brian for your expert advise and critique...
Chuck

 

[jk_lewis]

To my eye it is a bit crowded. A larger, shallower, and rectangular pot would help. Glazed is OK, but not with a mottled glaze or with a pattern.

I don't get what that stick is lying in the dry streambed.

I think you've done better.

 

[CWTurner]

"Look here and Critique Please..."

Man, you came to the right place
CW

 

[Vin]

Second, I like the landscaping and tree placement, but I would keep the front row of trees shorter, and grow the back trees just a bit taller to create a forced perspective of a far-view; especially the two in the back left.. If you're trying to create a near view, you'd reverse that. I don't think the landscape is large enough to pull off a near view.

Sorry, I'm a little confused. I took a workshop last year from someone we all know. "Near View" was never mentioned. My understanding was taller trees in front, shorter trees to the rear. So, what's a "forced perspective in comparison to near view? (other than the placement of the tree height.

 

[sorce]

I like it..

I think the pot is to "sea" for the more "desert" scape. To put it my way.

That change in itself could lessen the need for the only other thing I see, which is the details of the "sticks in the dirt", which clearly have potential to be trees right now!

If you put some wire on those crowns, or maybe even directionally pruned them a little better(cuz small)....they would match the Attention to detail of the rest of the composition, like the dead log in the dry streambed, which I think is excellent!

Sorce

 

[Bolero]

A couple more pictures, I have removed majority of Moss per Brians suggestion and I like the overall effect, more Ravine looking...I've also removed about 50% of the Baby Tears to expose more Ravine and Ying Rock and I'm happy with that also...

I've pruned back a few of the Shimpaku per Sorce's suggestions but unlikely you can see it...

This Bonsai Landscape in 3D shows really well and more than is revealed in a 1 dimension photo...

Thank you all for your comments and suggestions, My Shimpaku Bonsai Landscape and I are better for this visit...

 

[erb.75]

I love the scenery, the rocks and moss look professional...so I give that an A+

Truthfully, I find the trees totally uninspiring. They look like "sticks in a pot" and I don't like them at all. Maybe this will change when the canopy fills out over the entire scene more, but I doubt it. I like the trees on the outside of the forest to be farther from the edge of the pot. Your trees are close to the edge.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[Bolero]

erb.75....I'll be getting some... in person professional opinions and advice in a week, I will get back to you with their comments.

BTW, Junipers traditionally don't develop a Canopy as opposed to Maples and other Deciduous types.

Thank you for your critique...

Chuck

 

[Brian Van Fleet]

Sorry, I'm a little confused. I took a workshop last year from someone we all know. "Near View" was never mentioned. My understanding was taller trees in front, shorter trees to the rear. So, what's a "forced perspective in comparison to near view? (other than the placement of the tree height.

Near view is standing at a forest's edge, near the composition: the trees closest to you appear largest, those in the distance appear smaller to create the illusion that they're much further away:

A far-view is standing some distance from the forest, and if you're on a higher plane, the foreground trees can look smaller and the background trees, which aren't necessarily much further away, can look taller. This is more of a depth-of-field illusion:

@Bolero , I suggested allowing the moss to grow, together so it appears more natural...not remove it:

Third, I like the ground cover that has been allowed to grow in the center, it is less contrived than the moss in the front left. Let both continue growing to cover most of the bonsai soil, until you're just seeing bonsai soil peeking out along the edges of the rocks. It will look more settled.

 

[Vin]

Interesting... So then here we have a near view:



and here we have a far view:



Am I correct? Thanks!

 

[Brian Van Fleet]

Think so.

 

[JudyB]

When the taller trees are in the background, it's also suggestive of a hill or mountain scape, and you can use the rocks and mounds to help with that suggestion as well.

 

[erb.75]

i do wish you the best in your efforts! Sometimes seeing stuff in person is different that online in pictures as well. If you do stick with trees of that trunk thickness (i'd try for heavier, or at least a variation of thickness)....maybe try to style them or select pre bonsai that don't have all the foliage up top they look less like trees that way IMO and need more branching and lower branching. It's harder to get branches that look like branches if they're not significantly smaller than the trunk. From many of the pictures it's hard to tell.


I look forward to seeing what happens!