Jokes here please!

3 Vampires walk into a bar.....

The first one sits down and says...

I'd like a cup of hot blood.

Bartender serves him up.

Second vampire sits down and says...

I'd like a cup of hot blood.

Served.

The 3rd Vampire sits down....
And The bartender says...

A cup of hot blood?

Vampire says no, a cup of hot water please...

Bartender says...

What gives? Your friends are both drinking Hot blood...why are you asking....

The 3rd Vampire pulls out a used tampon and Says....

I'm having tea!

Sorce
 
[An old Hebrew/Jewish joke, I'm told.]

A man, distraught, goes to his Rabbi to ask his advice.

"Rabbi, Rabbi! You've got to help me! It's my son! My son! He's fallen in love with a Christian woman!"

The Rabbi answers, "Your son?! Your son?! Let me tell you, Sir: My son! My son fell in love with a Christian woman, married her, and converted to Christianity!!"

"Oh my!" said the man, horrified. "And what did you do, Rabbi?"

The Rabbi replied, "What else could I do?! I took it to God in prayer, of course!"

"And what did God say!?" asked the man.

The Rabbi just shook his head, sadly: "God said to me, 'Your son!? Your son?!'"
 
Brunette in The middle of the highway..

Jumping back and forth from traffic line to traffic line singing...
"61, 61, 61"

Blonde walks up and says "hey what are you doing?"

Brunette, "it's a new exercise...you just jump back and forth and sing...61,61....

So the blonde gets Up there and Starts jumping...
"61,61,61..."

An 18 wheeler approaches....
Takes out the blonde....
Splattered.

Brunette gets back up There ......

"62,62,62...."

Sorce
 
Moses and Jesus are standing by the edge of the Red Sea.
Jesus looks to Moses and says "Do you think you still got it?"
Moses says " Hell yeah!"
He slams the butt of his staff on the ground and parts the waters.
Just like in the old days.
Moses looks over and says "Now how about you big boy?"
Jesus says "Why sure. I'm the son of God"
He walks out on the water and falls in.
Moses has to go save him.
Jesus says " I don't know what went wrong"
Moses looks at him and says " You probably could have pulled that one off except for the nasty holes in your feet and hands."

I'm going to he'll.

Why can't Jesus eat an M&M?
They fall through the holes in his hands.
 
M. Frary said:
He slams the butt of his staff on the ground and parts the waters.
Click to expand...

One would imagine quite a few detailed stock reports if Man had the power to part water yes?

Give a man a fish...etc....blah...

Give him the ability to part seas....

And all he does is walk through one with some friends?

Lololol!

They are going to be pissed when they find they find the Ark or the Covenant...

And the "ten commandments" look like......

red_sea.jpg

Though shalt catch and release only...
Unless very hungry!

Sorce
 
I stole this off the Internet:

A game warden stops a poacher walking along the beach and tells him he's going to fine him for taking lobsters without a permit. The poacher tells the warden the two lobsters in his hands are his pets and he was just taking them for a walk. "Nonsense," says the game warden. "It's true, it's not against the law to walk your pets along the beach, is it?" asks the man. "I send them into the surf for a swim and when I whistle they come back to me". "I've got to see this; show me." says the game warden. So the man tosses both lobsters into the ocean and the game warden says, "Okay, now let's hear you whistle for your lobsters to swim back to you." "Lobsters?" asks the poacher, "What lobsters?"​
 
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