Display for critique.
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TheSteve
Chumono
I've never displayed in my life but I'll play along.
I also won't cop to "I don't like any of it" even though I don't see much I do like. Itemized:
The scroll is the largest and most dominate part of the display. My eyes are consistently drawn to it then focus on the terrible vertical offset.
The background is a heavy drape that has an annoying gap at the bottom and is distracting as are the light beams that play across it.
The accent is too far away for my taste and really doesn't seem to be part of the display at all even though the tree seems to be recoiling from it like it was a spider.
It's a nice tree but somehow doesn't pop for me.
I'd like to finish by saying something nice about this but I can't find anything positive to say about it.
I also won't cop to "I don't like any of it" even though I don't see much I do like. Itemized:
The scroll is the largest and most dominate part of the display. My eyes are consistently drawn to it then focus on the terrible vertical offset.
The background is a heavy drape that has an annoying gap at the bottom and is distracting as are the light beams that play across it.
The accent is too far away for my taste and really doesn't seem to be part of the display at all even though the tree seems to be recoiling from it like it was a spider.
It's a nice tree but somehow doesn't pop for me.
I'd like to finish by saying something nice about this but I can't find anything positive to say about it.
Ang3lfir3
Omono
without knowing the title of the display I can am limited in my thoughts
just a couple of things I see right off the bat ....
1) tree is on the wrong side of the display ... it currently points outside the display...
2) the use of a stand for the companion sees too repetitive as well as its shape
3) the companion pot seems too striking and too tall
4) the repetition of the grass in the scroll and companion is wrong
these are all mechanical issues .... I don't have enough knowledge to judge the worthiness of the scroll etc.
I presume since its a satsuki is in bloom that its try to speak to late spring or early summer.
to make changes ...
put the tree on the right hand side of the display...
change the companions pot to something shallower (seems like a valid species) maybe in a celdaon color or some more muted deep tone... preferably in either a round or oval shape
place the companion on either slats .... or a small bamboo mat (i think i would prefer the bamboo)
ok that's all I've got for now....
Edit:
just realized that I left that repetition in my changes.... a better species I think , because again the grass is still way too repetitive, would be maybe a miniature salal or some other small compact ovate leaved weed or ground cover .... kinikinick maybe (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bearberry)
just a couple of things I see right off the bat ....
1) tree is on the wrong side of the display ... it currently points outside the display...
2) the use of a stand for the companion sees too repetitive as well as its shape
3) the companion pot seems too striking and too tall
4) the repetition of the grass in the scroll and companion is wrong
these are all mechanical issues .... I don't have enough knowledge to judge the worthiness of the scroll etc.
I presume since its a satsuki is in bloom that its try to speak to late spring or early summer.
to make changes ...
put the tree on the right hand side of the display...
change the companions pot to something shallower (seems like a valid species) maybe in a celdaon color or some more muted deep tone... preferably in either a round or oval shape
place the companion on either slats .... or a small bamboo mat (i think i would prefer the bamboo)
ok that's all I've got for now....
Edit:
just realized that I left that repetition in my changes.... a better species I think , because again the grass is still way too repetitive, would be maybe a miniature salal or some other small compact ovate leaved weed or ground cover .... kinikinick maybe (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bearberry)
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TheSteve
Chumono
Thank you. There was something else about that bugging me. You nailed it
daygan
Chumono
In addition to everything else mentioned, I feel like the scroll is too close to the tree and gives sort of a crowded feeling. That's just my own feeling - I don't really know much about proper display.
Brian Van Fleet
Pretty Fly for a Bonsai Guy
1. Tree should be on the right, and in a lighter pot.
2. Scroll should depict the season. I'm not sure what that is, but this one seems to be fall.
3. The accent stand should be a ji ita board, bamboo mat, or something low, and a plant that also depicts the spring season.
4. If possible, it would be good to give the whole display more space, spread things out.
2. Scroll should depict the season. I'm not sure what that is, but this one seems to be fall.
3. The accent stand should be a ji ita board, bamboo mat, or something low, and a plant that also depicts the spring season.
4. If possible, it would be good to give the whole display more space, spread things out.
grouper52
Masterpiece
I agree with all the critiques above. The whole thing is wrong as a composition. Tree and accent grasses are mundane and poorly placed. The scroll is far too dominant both in size and gracefulness, yet with its gracefulness cramped by the others. There is no unifying theme: Autumn grain against a dusk or dawn full moon, juxtaposed with a supposedly bright summer Satsuki (actually looks a bit tawdry, like a figure skater who has let herself go), and finished off with some dense, dark grasses that look like they're growing in a stagnant culvert somewhere in a bad part of town.
Interesting to see this one, Al, and to compare its image with the gorgeous ones you posted a few months ago that made me a believer in this form of display. Thank you.
Interesting to see this one, Al, and to compare its image with the gorgeous ones you posted a few months ago that made me a believer in this form of display. Thank you.
Ron Dennis
Shohin
I surely agree with all of the comments so far. There is so much that disturbs my eye: Tree is not the vocal poing, pot is too dark, scroll is way too large regardless of the scene, stand is wrong for the pot--both are so dark, and the backdrop does nothing to enhance the display.. If I were permitted only one change it would be the pot.
kakejiku
Chumono
There have been several comments on the display...and would like to throw my two cents in...
First....Type of display.
This is set up as a 逆勝手右流れGyakushote Migi Nagare display. Meaning that the light source is coming from the right hand side. Many of you have said that the tree should be on the other side...I disagree...because the trunk at first grows to the left, but then curves to the right. Hence the Migi Nagare, and would indicate in nature that the tree has grown toward the light source on the right hand side.
Second....Scroll.
Yes scroll is too large for the display...but many have said it does not depict a season....The second pic with the closeup clearly seems to show rice in the paddy, beginning to produce it's grain...so it does seem to depict the season of late spring to me. The scroll is very nice, and if it was made into a Rinpo Hyougu style, it would significantly decrease the size and make it more suitable for the display.
Trees Pot is a Rectangular 朱泥Shudei and would seem to be classed more formal...that the deciduous tree (semi-formal) and the styling (Semi-Formal), So maybe a round pot would fit better with this...
Accent...Seems to be repetitive theme since you already have the rice in the painting...A 茅葺 Kayabuki (thatched house) would seem to minimize visual competition with the tree and be a complement to the painting. (I.e. farmer going home from working his rice field and sees a blossoming azalea? (sorry not very strong in the tree department) in the far distance.)
First....Type of display.
This is set up as a 逆勝手右流れGyakushote Migi Nagare display. Meaning that the light source is coming from the right hand side. Many of you have said that the tree should be on the other side...I disagree...because the trunk at first grows to the left, but then curves to the right. Hence the Migi Nagare, and would indicate in nature that the tree has grown toward the light source on the right hand side.
Second....Scroll.
Yes scroll is too large for the display...but many have said it does not depict a season....The second pic with the closeup clearly seems to show rice in the paddy, beginning to produce it's grain...so it does seem to depict the season of late spring to me. The scroll is very nice, and if it was made into a Rinpo Hyougu style, it would significantly decrease the size and make it more suitable for the display.
Trees Pot is a Rectangular 朱泥Shudei and would seem to be classed more formal...that the deciduous tree (semi-formal) and the styling (Semi-Formal), So maybe a round pot would fit better with this...
Accent...Seems to be repetitive theme since you already have the rice in the painting...A 茅葺 Kayabuki (thatched house) would seem to minimize visual competition with the tree and be a complement to the painting. (I.e. farmer going home from working his rice field and sees a blossoming azalea? (sorry not very strong in the tree department) in the far distance.)
grouper52
Masterpiece
Well, I guess those of us with non-Japanese screen names are missing the point. If this is a great display, I'll pass on the entire art form. Looks butt ugly and boring to me. Cheers. 
Klytus
Omono
It was in homage to Stalin,the materials purged from the rest of the show?
dick benbow
Omono
very nice to have our own space to work with.....
I have to agree that the satsuki is looking out of the grouping and would be better served peering into the display from the right hand side.
When you use a scroll of that size, it is the main theme or focus and the bonsai and companion plant are but assesories.
satsuki is notorious for it' arrival as (the sixth month) and i can't grasp any connection with the scroll or the companion plant.
I might suggest that the companion plant be moved forward of the bonsai and not on the same line.
My suggestion for change would be to use a smaller scroll and make the satsuki the dominant figure. maybe instead of a companion plant
a small tempai ( brass figurine) of an insect or better yet a butterfly would be neat. since june is a month that has the longest day in it,
maybe a smaller subservant scroll with sun ( rising or setting) would be more appropriate.
satsuki as bonsai is always a fun subject, but from a satsuki focus, flowers are always removed for spacing to make sure no two flowers touch.
I do like the display table for the bonsai, tho. hopefully as we into our topic, those who set up a display will post it so that we can understand the rationale behind the presentation. But this was a good start
I have to agree that the satsuki is looking out of the grouping and would be better served peering into the display from the right hand side.
When you use a scroll of that size, it is the main theme or focus and the bonsai and companion plant are but assesories.
satsuki is notorious for it' arrival as (the sixth month) and i can't grasp any connection with the scroll or the companion plant.
I might suggest that the companion plant be moved forward of the bonsai and not on the same line.
My suggestion for change would be to use a smaller scroll and make the satsuki the dominant figure. maybe instead of a companion plant
a small tempai ( brass figurine) of an insect or better yet a butterfly would be neat. since june is a month that has the longest day in it,
maybe a smaller subservant scroll with sun ( rising or setting) would be more appropriate.
satsuki as bonsai is always a fun subject, but from a satsuki focus, flowers are always removed for spacing to make sure no two flowers touch.
I do like the display table for the bonsai, tho. hopefully as we into our topic, those who set up a display will post it so that we can understand the rationale behind the presentation. But this was a good start
kakejiku
Chumono
Well, I guess those of us with non-Japanese screen names are missing the point. If this is a great display, I'll pass on the entire art form. Looks butt ugly and boring to me. Cheers.
The original question that was asked was to provide suggestions as to how this could be improved...I think my critique is fair and provides an image for how to improve the display's message. Just saying something is wrong, without providing input, is unfair to the artist that has spent hours on the display and tree. I never said this was a great display. I was answering the original question posed, "Study the image and post a few things that one might do to punch this up a few notches."
kakejiku
Chumono
Size of the kakejiku has nothing to do with being the focal point. I have seen much larger scrolls paired with much smaller trees...The problem is the total space of the display. If they had stretched it out to another 3 feet to the right and placed the accent much farther away there would be less problem with the size of this scroll...
Ang3lfir3
Omono
So as noted that the displays are confined to the spaces they have been allotted ... well then ... its not possible to spread it out... I think its important to provide solutions for both cases (the optimal one.. spreading it out... and the real one... as it is now)
While the tree may appear to be growing toward a particular light source (of which I am sure the person creating the display had no control over). We don't give direction to bonsai solely on the direction that their foliage points (its helpful but not a sole factor) ... direction can be first determined by looking toward the base of the tree and seeing which way that heads first (a good way to get started finding direction) ... after that you can look to the foliage and major branches for direction (finding direction of a formal upright can be hard)
you are over thinking it ....
I'm not trying to pick on you... just trying to help you learn to communicate with people without sounding pretentious
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kakejiku
Chumono
The real one...as it is now.
The second "real" option as you pointed out was already discussed in my original post, "The scroll is very nice, and if it was made into a Rinpo Hyougu style." Of course...it would have to be made way ahead of the time of the display. If you do not know what the Rinpo Hyougu style is, then have Miss Vic or yourself come to my booth at Denver and I will gladly show some samples of that scroll style. FWIW
BTW...I have not seen the original poster comment on what he would have done to improve the display, and I would very much like to hear his insight since he was actually there.
The second "real" option as you pointed out was already discussed in my original post, "The scroll is very nice, and if it was made into a Rinpo Hyougu style." Of course...it would have to be made way ahead of the time of the display. If you do not know what the Rinpo Hyougu style is, then have Miss Vic or yourself come to my booth at Denver and I will gladly show some samples of that scroll style. FWIW
BTW...I have not seen the original poster comment on what he would have done to improve the display, and I would very much like to hear his insight since he was actually there.
Ang3lfir3
Omono
The second "real" option as you pointed out was already discussed in my original post, "The scroll is very nice, and if it was made into a Rinpo Hyougu style." Of course...it would have to be made way ahead of the time of the display. If you do not know what the Rinpo Hyougu style is, then have Miss Vic or yourself come to my booth at Denver and I will gladly show some samples of that scroll style. FWIW
you are gunna be there!!?? that's great!!! I look forward to checking out and learning more scrolls (something I know nothing about)
kakejiku
Chumono
rockm
Spuds Moyogi
The thing that jumped out at me was the clash between the seasonal interest in the blooming springtime tree and the autumn scroll.
dick benbow
Omono
With respect for Kakejiku and speaking for others on this topic
In a perfect world an individual who contributes would translate into plain english* what he is 'sharing" while uplifting the individual he is directing his comments to . for example:
Hi Dick, the scroll is a picture of rice growing in japan during the rainy season (June), so your knowledge of the 6th month when the satsuki's bloom is a dreary time in the land of the rising sun. So the size of the scroll doesn't dictate it's dominance, it certainly communicates well that june and it's weather is the rainy season in japan.. While it may be sunny in seattle ( is that possible? ) In japan during the rainy season, the sun would not be something you'd see rising or setting. etc etc. It is not my intent to take away the treasure we have here as an educator, only that the knowledge could be better shared*
So I'd have to end with a question. Do i want to strictly follow what is done in japan as if I was a resident, or is it permissible to live somewhere else in the world and make a display for our enjoyment that reflects what the season is in our homeland? And yes as perry como used to sing, the bluest skies you ever saw, are in seattle...
* use the japanese word to help those that may want to know the word while immediately discribing in english what it means......so that those who may not want to look it up are conveniently provided with it's meaning. I have taught KOI for 40 years and in my seminars slip up on occassion by using a japanese word without explaination, completely forgetfull that the majority have no idea what i'm talking about. I'm always embarassed when i'm stopped and asked and i do apologize and thank the individual for speaking up. I really do want to learn this subject from a japanese foundation so i can use that to translate into my own world. My hope is that I have expressed myself in a way so that no one is offended and we are better able to grasp what is being shared by someone who also has a lifetime of knowledge.
In a perfect world an individual who contributes would translate into plain english* what he is 'sharing" while uplifting the individual he is directing his comments to . for example:
Hi Dick, the scroll is a picture of rice growing in japan during the rainy season (June), so your knowledge of the 6th month when the satsuki's bloom is a dreary time in the land of the rising sun. So the size of the scroll doesn't dictate it's dominance, it certainly communicates well that june and it's weather is the rainy season in japan.. While it may be sunny in seattle ( is that possible?
) In japan during the rainy season, the sun would not be something you'd see rising or setting. etc etc. It is not my intent to take away the treasure we have here as an educator, only that the knowledge could be better shared*So I'd have to end with a question. Do i want to strictly follow what is done in japan as if I was a resident, or is it permissible to live somewhere else in the world and make a display for our enjoyment that reflects what the season is in our homeland? And yes as perry como used to sing, the bluest skies you ever saw, are in seattle...
* use the japanese word to help those that may want to know the word while immediately discribing in english what it means......so that those who may not want to look it up are conveniently provided with it's meaning. I have taught KOI for 40 years and in my seminars slip up on occassion by using a japanese word without explaination, completely forgetfull that the majority have no idea what i'm talking about. I'm always embarassed when i'm stopped and asked and i do apologize and thank the individual for speaking up. I really do want to learn this subject from a japanese foundation so i can use that to translate into my own world. My hope is that I have expressed myself in a way so that no one is offended and we are better able to grasp what is being shared by someone who also has a lifetime of knowledge.
