The best bonsai soil mix in the world ever.

[Starfox]

No self respecting Aussie drinks that, in fact I don't think they have sold it in Oz for years.

Need to have the good stuff.

 

[M. Frary]

Trump boogers.
MAGA!
Madam A Gooey Again!
Picked from under his desk daily by Suckabeast.
Taste tested by Rudy G. for purity.
Bagged with care by Ivanka.

 

[Cosmos]

I need to get assurance that all components are locally sourced and fair trade before I buy.

 

[Lorax7]

You invented A time machine?

S

Yes, that’s the advantage of this method. You end up with a thick trunk and nebari, mature foliage, and bark with all the hallmarks of extreme age by sending the tree far into the future and then bringing it back. You might think that bringing the tree back in time would reverse the aging process and it does to some extent, but due to relativistic effects the tree still advances in age overall.

 

[CWTurner]

Yes, that’s the advantage of this method. You end up with a thick trunk and nebari, mature foliage, and bark with all the hallmarks of extreme age by sending the tree far into the future and then bringing it back. You might think that bringing the tree back in time would reverse the aging process and it does to some extent, but due to relativistic effects the tree still advances in age overall.

Finally, some science in this thread.
CW

 

[AZbonsai]

My ''Nervana'' mix consists of...

1 part sand
1 part bark nuggets
1 part shredded bark
1 part soft akadama
1 part hard akadama
1 part medium akadama
1 part kanuma
1 part Chinese hill soil
1 part Chinese mountain soil
1 part shreaded sphagnum moss
1 part shreaded sheet moss
1 part volcanic sand
1 part scoria
1 part hardwood charcoal
1 part giant sequoia charcoal
1 part pumice
1 part compost
1 part vermiculite
1 part perlite
1 part rough peat
1 part fine peat
1 part Irish peat
1 part German peat
1 part sedge peat from Russia
1 part ''special peat'' from the former Czech Republic
1 part special ''magic'' volcanic sand from South Georgia Island (near Antarctica)
1 part organic Araucaria leaf mould soil from the East side of the mountain in Central Chile.
1 part black volcanic gravel from Mt Versuvius
1 part red volcanic gravel from Mt Versuvius (sub stratum)
1 part special, secret, root growth exploding ingredient.
1 part trace element mix with all elements currently know to human kind including gold, silver and platinum.
1 part diamond dust.

After blending, the mixture is blessed by an assortment of ethnic forest priests and bagged into special bags made of blonde virgin's hair.

It's definitely the best mix you can get. Anything else is a compromise.
This special mix cannot be replicated or out-done. Don't even waste your time.
I will be selling it for $599.99 per 15kg bag if anyone's interested. (and you should be!)
Special price of $1199.97 for 30 kg bags.
(ingredients listed may vary without notice - no correspondence entered into)


News flash!!!!!! NOW WITH ADDED ''GROWMIUM'' For that little extra growth stimulation.

Yes, but does it drain well and retain moisture? And how does it compare to NAPA 8822?

 

[Shinjuku]

My ''Nervana'' mix consists of...

1 part sand
1 part bark nuggets
1 part shredded bark
1 part soft akadama
1 part hard akadama
1 part medium akadama
1 part kanuma
1 part Chinese hill soil
1 part Chinese mountain soil
1 part shreaded sphagnum moss
1 part shreaded sheet moss
1 part volcanic sand
1 part scoria
1 part hardwood charcoal
1 part giant sequoia charcoal
1 part pumice
1 part compost
1 part vermiculite
1 part perlite
1 part rough peat
1 part fine peat
1 part Irish peat
1 part German peat
1 part sedge peat from Russia
1 part ''special peat'' from the former Czech Republic
1 part special ''magic'' volcanic sand from South Georgia Island (near Antarctica)
1 part organic Araucaria leaf mould soil from the East side of the mountain in Central Chile.
1 part black volcanic gravel from Mt Versuvius
1 part red volcanic gravel from Mt Versuvius (sub stratum)
1 part special, secret, root growth exploding ingredient.
1 part trace element mix with all elements currently know to human kind including gold, silver and platinum.
1 part diamond dust.

With all due respect, you missed one ingredient:

1 part bacon.

Bacon makes everything better.

 

[bonsaidave]

No self respecting Aussie drinks that...
Need to have the good stuff.

Like Carlton Dry ?

 

[Kendo]

This soil mix is much too simple for the Bonsai tree. Need more.

 

[Ryceman3]

Oh, THAT Foster's ... I think I had one once... when I was in the UK.
@Starfox is much closer to the mark, I've had plenty of Cooper's.
Maybe beer is a logical addition to Mike's bonsai mix, can't hurt!

 

[wireme]

Wait a minute, what about the Vegemite? Maybe it’s not mixed in but just spread over the top?

 

[MichaelS]

That’s a pretty good soil mix, but I prefer a 1:1:1 mix of ion exchange resin, artisanal crushed unicorn horn, and truffula tree bark. I also use Chuck Norris’s tears as my trace element solution as I believe this is superior to superthrive.

Ha ha yes I tried that one but this is better..

 

[MichaelS]

I need to get assurance that all components are locally sourced and fair trade before I buy.

I'm sorry I cannot offer you that assurance as many orphans were needed for cutting down trees at 4am each day to access the leaf mold in Chile.

 

[MichaelS]

Will this mix work for foemina?

I'm sorry, but no.

 

[Djtommy]

Wait a minute, if you just cut off all the roots from the bonsai, wouldn’t that eliminate the need of any type of soil? For balance you can then just use glue and pebbles

 

[Paul2229]

Yes, that’s the advantage of this method. You end up with a thick trunk and nebari, mature foliage, and bark with all the hallmarks of extreme age by sending the tree far into the future and then bringing it back. You might think that bringing the tree back in time would reverse the aging process and it does to some extent, but due to relativistic effects the tree still advances in age overall.

mate I watched Interstellar, Cosmos and Space Balls so I know a thing or two about space. If you want to age your trees without aging yourself you just need to travel at the speed of light, just do a quick lap of the milky way at light speed and when you return you will either have some really old trees or some really dead trees

 

[Vinnie Charity]

Well, if the Araucaria leaf mould soil was from the West side of the mountain, I'd be all in...
-Vin

 

[substratum]

My ''Nervana'' mix consists of...

News flash!!!!!! NOW WITH ADDED ''GROWMIUM'' For that little extra growth stimulation.

Couldn't possible work without 1 part Chicken Scratch Decomposed Granite. Consider adding Groanmium, too, LOL!

 

[A. Gorilla]

No haydite? Lol noob.