Harsh insults to bonsai.

[A. Gorilla]

Use at your own risk.

Your mother was a stratified SEED !!
I wouldn't hire you if you were the last air layer in the world!
Yep...... I ..did.. say "SAP!" So what're you gonna do about it?
You try that one more time and I'm getting the root pruner!
You aren't fooling me. You go dormant EVERY year!
Okay..... you guys sit on your nebari for the rest of the trip!
I don't care how much you flower...you're NOT getting new soil!
YES! ..........Yes, these ARE scissors!
So what? You still look like a GRAFT !!


Got some of your own?
Post em.

The graft one was brutal. dude.

 

[Forsoothe!]

You don't know who your father was...

 

[Wires_Guy_wires]

Damn girl, were you on a purely inorganic diet?

Dude, that patch on your head, I don't think superthrive can fix that.

You could use some cut paste, like, everywhere.

If you were one of my trees, I would give you to the club newbies.

"This is my first juniper and I think I did pretty well"

I see you already got the bone part covered, I'll do the sighs.

You smell like lime sulphur.

Do you come in pelletized form too? Because my trees love some organic waste.

Your hair looks like my maples, in winter.

Are you a hornbeam? Cause you're naturally hollow and rotten to the core.

Your bedroom performance is like Wires_guy_wires handling pines; it's over within minutes, there's resin everywhere, and there's just one person smiling in the end.

Are you a virginia juniper? Because nobody likes you!

 

[A. Gorilla]

"I guess you could call that a pinus."

 

[Matt B]

Sorry for ogling your bush.... I was just imagining the things I could do with it.

Now THIS is solid gold!

 

[A. Gorilla]

Your hardwood lacks girth and movement.

 

[Dzhokar]

What?? I was just seeing if there was any crotch growth I needed to take care of.

*edit* yes, I went there.

Only one person found this funny?...

You really are dead on the inside.