the queer folks thread

pandacular

pandacular

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i wanted to make a thread for the queer people on Bonsai Nut to discuss topics and issues relevant to us. i use the term queer as i prefer it to clunky acronyms (LGBT+) or long lists of identities as it feels more inclusive: whatever queerness means to you, i hope this can be a place where we can discuss that. bonus points if you have queer perspectives on bonsai!

i would love for this to be a thread where folks in the community can drive the discussion, but of course i welcome those with queer loved ones, allies, or generally just people with questions. however, if you are not welcoming or loving towards your gay sisters, brothers, gender nonconforming siblings, please take those attitudes elsewhere.

this thread is inspired by a few threads and replies by @ShadyStump. i appreciate you making spaces for people to discuss serious matters on here, and i'm hoping to do the same for people outside of the sexual and gender norms!
 
a little bit about me: i am a bisexual cisgender man. i am in a committed relationship with an asexual woman, so we joke that we are the most "invisibly queer" couple you can find, tho i certainly make efforts to be visible in any way i can :P

i was raised in a Catholic family, and attended Catholic school through (Jesuit) high school. it took me a long to understand myself, and i'm happy to say it's an ongoing process. i escaped Catholic school with negligible firsthand trauma. ironically, some of my strongest and earliest gay role models were closeted high school teachers, as my school was somewhat progressive...by the very low standards of the issue. funnily the only man i've ever kissed (or should i say boy, as it was when we were in high school) is now a Catholic priest!

after college, i moved from the midwest to Seattle, and i am eternally grateful for the bustling queer communities throughout the region. nothing makes me happier than seeing proud gay people everywhere i look, which is sadly not safe in all parts of the country--or even the state!
 
Glad to see this post! It can certainly be a bit alienating at times in a hobby that is predominately older straight men, not to say I haven't encountered a pletora of individuals who have been more than welcoming and helpful as mentors. I'm a gay man who married their partner of 10 years in 2019 (Beat covid to the punch thankfully!). I'm looking forward to expanding my knowledge of the artform with all my queer contemporaries so we can expand not just the horizons of bonsai in our communities, but foster a diverse community in the hobby.
 
welcome!
KikurageOtomo said:
It can certainly be a bit alienating at times in a hobby that is predominately older straight men
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It's true; even though I haven't ever felt unwelcome, there is an inescapable "otherness". Many older folks--even those who are perhaps politically accepting of queers--have a view or bias that queer people should try not to "look" gay.

I'm very fortunate that my teacher is an older lesbian woman. She gave me the great idea of displaying my purple-leafed japanese maple with a rich blue pot to echo the bisexual flag.
 
AWESOME to see this thread!

I'm here now, as well,.. to provide "muscle" (both mental and physical) against any ...

...well... Let's just say folks who would attempt to hate or de-rail.🤣🤣

...

In my belief...sexuality is a spectrum.. a UNIQUE "construct"... For EACH individual...

Although seeming to always end up in very stereotypically hetero relationships.
I've been... Up and down the spectrum a bit in terms of preference and attraction and still am not really settled down anywhere.. because beauty parameters and specifics are, for me, constantly shifting, because I NEED "full-package (internal traits included)" analysis to determine attractiveness.

Above all else is love... That feeling would supercede ANY external variables.

Looking back.. I think I have, indeed, been in love...

But the actual time was SO SHORT... surrounded by stretches of terrible relationship (not pointing fingers.. it takes two).
 
(I marched 2 times for right to marry and try to volunteer at Door County's pridefest events, yearly)

((I also marched a bunch for Roe... That was scary in my area 🤣🤣🤣))
 
HorseloverFat said:
Although seeming to always end up in very stereotypically hetero relationships.
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I feel you there man. It's gotten a lot better, but it used to be that bi folks in hetero relationships "didn't count, and would get ostracized by others in the community. I think people have realized that we're stronger together, and that includes the " straight" people!
 
I was ALSO raised in a neo-christian (cult) academy/church. (The stories are astonishing and numerous, but I shall narrow it down.. ((calm down, twinks, I hear you in the back))

We were taught that the punishment for non-heterosexual offenses was banishment from the church and eternal damnation.

I remember classmates being sent to "retreats" for "harboring impure thoughts"... They never came back.. their families were never at "mass" anymore...

....


When anything oppressive is in your face to that degree...

It's easy to spot "the holes"... "The flaws" ;)

....


OH and two weeks ago, We went to a family friend's birthday party.

And it was drag-themed... A ROARING great time.

And uh... @ShadyStump can vouch for me... He saw the picture.

🤣🤣🤣🥳🥳🥳🤣🤣
 
actually there's a sad Phish connection to the topic of this thread. I recently had a bad falling out with my oldest Phish tour friend due to the hatred he holds in his heart. It's mostly directed towards women, but in addition to the sexism, there's a good deal of racism and homophobia.

I had to make the decision to simply stop associating with this person, and this means that for now, I'm going solo to shows. I do think it's for the best, and I don't believe in making space for people with these attitudes

By the way, if there's any phans reading this thread who are heading to Dicks this month, I'd love to say hi.
 
Hey guys! I'm a fellow queer bonsai person. I've known many of my bonsai friends since I was a kid and the "old timers" (a classification that I've been told also includes me) have all been very supportive of me. My girlfriend and I have been together for almost nine years now. There are a lot more out queer people in my local bonsai club now than there were in 2002 when I first joined so nobody batted an eye when I brought my girlfriend to a bonsai event.

I am also a volunteer on the board of directors for a local LGBTQ+ Foundation and we just picked our 20 scholarship winners on Wednesday!
 
Howdy!
I'm 71 years old and in a 35 years long relationship with a great man.
I left my little hometown with the goal of getting rid of the fundamentalist religion I grew up with. I took a detour into drugs and alcohol, so I didn't get comfortable with being gay until I sobered up at 32. I met my husband at age 36 (1988), but we couldn't get married until 2009.
We are very out in our suburban neighborhood and always have been; out of 360 houses in the 'hood, at least 12 or 15 are queer-owned and our neighborhood Pride Party attracts loads of people.
Husband is old enough, and grew up on Long Island, that he was in the Stonewall Inn a few times before it became famous.
 
PerryB said:
Howdy!
I'm 71 years old and in a 35 years long relationship with a great man.
I left my little hometown with the goal of getting rid of the fundamentalist religion I grew up with. I took a detour into drugs and alcohol, so I didn't get comfortable with being gay until I sobered up at 32. I met my husband at age 36 (1988), but we couldn't get married until 2009.
We are very out in our suburban neighborhood and always have been; out of 360 houses in the 'hood, at least 12 or 15 are queer-owned and our neighborhood Pride Party attracts loads of people.
Husband is old enough, and grew up on Long Island, that he was in the Stonewall Inn a few times before it became famous.
Click to expand...

One of my favorite guys to play guitar with had a very similar story.. now is 42 and married to the "chubby, bearded love of his life" 🤣

He described himself as "old-school gay"... Whatever that means.

🤓

Thank you for sharing.
 
hi Perry, welcome! I actually read one of your posts about recovery in another thread on here and that's what inspired me to make this thread. Always lovely to get perspectives from the elder gays!
 
To spark a bit of tangential discussion, what kind of material do my queer colleagues find themselves drawn to? Personally I like tend to prefer Kifu or smaller bonsai. I'm also primarily interested in decidious material, particularly Quinces, Japanese maples, all types of Prunus. I only dabble a bit in coniferous, when I do its generally a variety with foliage thats a little bit quirky like Hinoki or Korean balsam fir, though I have an exposed root JBP in the works thats doing quite nicely!
 
KikurageOtomo said:
To spark a bit of tangential discussion, what kind of material do my queer colleagues find themselves drawn to?
Click to expand...
Not a tangent at all, this is exactly what I want this thread to be.

I really love junipers. They're my favorite of all the high end bonsai I've seen and they're my favorite to work with. I've been playing with a lot of nursery stock material, and they're one of the few species that is consistently worth giving a shot. I also have three A. palmatum--two shohin/chuuhin grown by a local member of these forums, and another that's about 22" tall. I'm really starting to enjoy those, especially as I get into the process of building branches. I haven't put a touch of wire on my maples, so we'll see if that changes my interest in them.

You could say I'm a size queen: I love the huge, powerful trees! And of course the huge, delicate trees, as that's so rarely done well (I think Toryu-no-mai is my favorite example of these). Given that my collection is on a rooftop that I don't own, I'm going to try to limit my acquisition of large material, and I plan to focus more on acquiring small trees, though I do have 3 that are probably destined to be chuuhin. I also LOVE pots, which is a lot cheaper if I stick to smaller trees.
 
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