Shimpaku thoughts critique feedback

[Derek91]

Hi guys,
I'm new to the forum although I have been reading some post her and there for a while. I've been tinkering with bonsai for about 6 year although I still probably just know enough to get me in trouble. Cause trouble still happens allot! The last 3 years I have really became obsessed with bonsai. And I have about 20-30 trees in different stages. I have never been to any exhibitions,workshops, intensives or anything like that. I have purely read books and allot of online.
Anyways I am posting my best tree that I have had for about 3-4years. I would like to get some feedback, critiques ,thoughts on my best shimpaku. I purchased it about 3 years ago and have trained it allot. For myself I am pretty happy how it has turned out and progressed.i payed $330 for it which was allot for a beginner bonsai but I saw so much potential and it seamed like a steal. My wireing is not the best to say the least but it has worked.i think the pot it's in is a little short by about an 1"1/2. I repotted it out of a training pot this year and it was better than what it had. I'm not sure if I should have put the hollow in a shimpaku mabey that might be a mistake to some but it was a ugly saw mark that was cut flush and it just looked like it fit. I have been debating weather or not to jin out the second branch but haveing a hard time doing it yet. When I got this tree this branch was 90 percent of the foliage left of the tree. And I cut it back to just a couple small pads to keep it living and had to shave it down around the back and sides to make it smaller to fit the other two branches. Then wired the two other branches in position and they have filled out pretty well as these are grafts.
Pictures are hard to take.i can't get good pics of this. It's frustrating. The top of the tree has three defined branches and not flat looking like the pics.ill keep trying
Thanks for looking
Derek

 

[bonsaiBlake]

Thats sweet. Looks ancient. The silloette shot is fantastic, really shows branch structure.

 

[Rose Mary]

Hi Derek,
Welcome and thanks for sharing.
Trying to get good photos is difficult, just doesn't show in dimension...
How tall is your shimp?

Rose
Oregon

 

[sorce]

Derek.

I like it.

I think there is too much negative space around the "s". It kind of makes an interesting feature less interesting. If the apex can come down one siding level, I think you would be money.

If you jin the second, maybe jin the first too? Death left, life up.

Nice tree. I like the moss job!

Welcome to the Nuthouse!

Sorce

 

[Rose Mary]

Hi Derek,
Welcome and thanks for sharing.
Trying to get good photos is difficult, just doesn't show in dimension...
There is a really good thread on site somewhere with a good how to for good photos.
How tall is your shimp?

Rose
Oregon

 

[jkd2572]

I think the pot is perfect, but that is a really nice looking pot. The tree is great as well. It has its own look. And it's a good one.

 

[Brian Underwood]

It's a great start with a challenging tree! Next time you wire, try using annealed copper. It will look nicer because it will be smaller in diameter, blend in with the bark, and will hold better. Try fanning out the foliage on each branch horizontally, then building each foliage pad vertically by placing branches on top where needed. This will lend a better image and allow you to place foliage where you want it. As it is now, all the foliage is left in clumps at the end of each branch, like little poof-balls.

Take pictures all the way around the tree at 90 degree intervals. The back may end up being the best front, and will eliminate the need to do something with the large angular branch up top. That's really the only eyesore for me and may need to have some radical procedures to look more appealing, we'll see. This is of course just my personal opinion and everyone's will differ. Good luck and have fun! You're already ahead of most by buying quality material and being willing to wire!

 

[Derek91]

Thanks guys for the warm welcome and feedback.the measurements are 19" tall 24" wide canopy
2 1/2" trunk 6" nebari. That "s" branch has been a pain from day one. When I got the tree that branch came out two inches straight out with a saw cut. It looked unnatural when I jinned it. I couldn't figure out what I was gonna do with it for the longest time. I ended up kinda rounding it off and it does still look a little odd. I'm still tinkering with the canopy a maybe see if it can come down a little.

 

[Stan Kengai]

That is some pretty nice material, and, in this part of the country, seems like you got a good deal on the price. Have you considered removing the top of the tree? You could try to air-layer or you could just cut it. My problem with the tree is that the style of the bottom and top of the tree are different, with the bottom being curvy and the top more angular. I like the image in your third picture above. With some strengthening of the bottom and a few years of styling, this could be a great bonsai. It reminds me a bit of this Graham Potter yew.

 

[0soyoung]

The things that jump out to me, seem to catch others eyes as well. The zig-zag line is a masculine feature and is inconsistent with the feminine lines of rest of the tree. I think you will need to either remove this zig-zag branch or hide it under foliage to have a pleasing bonsai.

I've toyed with the alternative of removing the curvy branches to render a masculine image, but there wouldn't to be much of a tree left and that would be a dull/boring straight line literati - so, I think it best to keep the style feminine (smooth curves).

I must ask if this is really the best 'front' for the tree (or I suggest that it cannot be). The front you've presented is exactly as you said, "frustrating". What does it look like rotated +-45 degrees from how you've presented it to us?

 

[iant]

Nice tree. I agree that that angled branch at the top has to be changed. I'd jin it and remove the part that goes up. It's just too distracting.
Ian

 

[Sekibonsai]

I would act VERY CAUTIOUSLY on the advice of cutting that branch off. I would sketch it out first... Put it in front of a white background and cover it with a white t shirt or towel.

Once you remove it you remove a significant amount of character from the tree.

What is your pan for the three bottom branches/trunks... I f anything is incongruent it is those.

 

[Eric Group]

I think the zig zag branch is distracting, but that is because it catches your eye... Perhaps making it a focus rather than removing it could work. Consider creating a Jin to the right of that branch with some/ all of the foliage to tell the story of a Nasty storm or lightning strike that killed the growth and forced the tree to grow the opposite way of where it had been growing most of it's life. Might look more natural and instead of removing/ hiding one of the most interesting features, you can accent it and make it a positive.

The lower branches are the bigger problem to me too. At least one needs to be removed, perhaps two, and I can't tell from the angle if a Jin or a simple removal would be best. The hole is fine to me, just furthers the story of the struggle between life and death which is a big theme with junipers.

You other option is this- don't change a damn thing! Bonsai is not a profession outlined by rigid rules and requirements... It is more a past time, hobby and art form that only really needs to be rewarding to one person- YOU. You state early in your post this is your best tree, you find it pleasing to look at, you obviously take pride in being the one to style it... If you love the tree, don't make a drastic change to it! Some bonsai will always have flaws, and if YOU are happy with it despite a feature others may consider a flaw, screw them/ us and our opinions! Just enjoy the tree and be happy you have a real nice Shimpaku!

 

[Brian Van Fleet]

Welcomes to bonsai and the forum. It is encouraging you started with better material; you just skipped over a potentially frustrating first 3-5 years' learning curve by not working with the cheap stuff. 0soyoung gave good advice, you'll want to either emphasize the zigzag if you can present it convincing as natural, or eventually remove it from the design. Several ATL members are here, look for Dav4 and Adair and Stankengai...Rodney Clemmons and Plant City Bonsai are in ATL metro too...many great resources.

 

[Dav4]

This is a tree that would be really benefit from the critique of a professional. Rodney Clemons is the home town bonsai professional, and the Atlanta Bonsai Society hosts the likes of Kathy Shaner, Ted Matson, etc., for workshops each year. If you aren't a member already, you should consider joining. Good luck with the tree, as it's very interesting. Fwiw, my eyes keep being drawn down to the lowest branches and see a very powerful tree might possibly be made just from those...something to think about.

 

[coh]

I guess I'm in the minority as I like the zig-zag branch/trunk segment. The image gives me the impression of a tree that grows in a relatively consistent environment, except for one exceptional event (storm of some type most likely) that damaged the top of the tree. Maybe bringing some foliage partly in front of that area or changing the front view slightly would make it a little less "in your face" but I'd be hesitant to change that area dramatically, at least based on these photos.

Chris

 

[Derek91]

I really have been meaning to join the Atlanta bonsai society and need to.im not gonna do anything drastic until I have some professional eyes on the tree.i don't think the top Severely angled Branch is a option to remove for me anyways. I really am looking for options to make it flow better and make the flaw interesting.i think it needs something in the the void of this branch and have wondered if I could possibly graft a secondary branch on it to make it a little more natural. I can bring Down the foliage a little but it throws a lot more off when I do it. I know the bottom branching needs work as well and I have been debating removing the second branch.the problem I am worried about with removing the first and second branch is the balance of the tree.should my goal be building the pads before I do any removing of these branches?i will post more pictures of different angles to see if y'all have any suggestion of a different position of the tree.
Thanks again for y'all's suggestions as I can use all I can get.bare with me though I am a beginner and have allot to learn and allot more mistakes to make.(I just don't wanna make any big ones on this tree)I have really enjoyed the art of bonsai. The first time I saw a video of graham potter I knew I had to get into this. I have a very large yamadori privet that I have been training for a couple years that is inspired by his.

 

[Leo in N E Illinois]

Welcome to the forum Derek, it is great to see new members with an eye toward excellent material.

What a nice tree! I would be proud to have it sitting on my bench. You have gotten some excellent advice, the best of which was to get a second pair of eyes on it, this tree is better than just "having potential", it is already "there" in terms of being a bonsai, and it will be exciting to see what evolves as you take it into the future, what you eventually do to kick it up a notch. It is currently "good enough" for any club's annual shows, with a little work, it could easily be of caliper to make it into a national show. Now shows are not everything, I say this only to point out that the quality is already there in the tree. You made an excellent purchase. Since you are near Atlanta you really should hit a few meetings, and show this tree to several professionals, on the condition they don't do any cutting, then once you have a couple of opinions, and you like one option better than the rest - only then should you do any cutting. This tree needs to be seen in the 360 degree, I think just selecting a front that is maybe 45 degrees off one of its current sides may do the trick. So get some more eyes on it. When the right solution is proposed you will have that "duh, why didn't I think of that" moment. That will be the "right" proposal.

The fact that you grew it for 4 years, and have kept it healthy and most important, you did not cut off the best parts of the tree, says to me you have a long future ahead of you in bonsai. You have the right temperament.

I'm more or less in agreement with Chris - coh - on trying to keep most of what you have there. The zig-zag may be your best strength in terms of defining this tree and keeping it from looking like another boring imitation of a Japanese styled shimpaku. I would for the next year or two while you are kicking around ideas for this tree keep working on getting better growth on the low branches. They look thin and relatively weak compared to the upper foliage. Though over all the tree looks to be in excellent health. The weakness is just relative, though without management, in a few years it will get worse, and become a real problem. It is autumn, so most major pruning work is done in early summer, so you have time to think things out and make a plan.

 

[CityofTrees]

Quick and dirty virtual bringing down the "zig zag" branch in question (if possible, over time of course), also bringing down right side and removing lowest branches. Original on left side for comparison. Just for fun. Will probably benefit from a slight change in planting angle if done this way.

Garrett

 

[Brian Van Fleet]

Hey, look familiar?