Recovery & Mental Nuts

ShadyStump

ShadyStump

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Some of the more personal conversations that have taken place here on BNut over the years have gotten me thinking from time to time how much some of us rely on this community for our sanity...
Literally.

With @Bonsai Nut's blessings, I'd like to make this a sort of support group thread for those of us who are recovering from substance abuse, or are tending to our mental health.
This is by no means to be thought of as a substitute for professional care, just one more community resource for those feeling alone in their daily struggles. Being an open online forum, there would of course be no assumption of any level of anonymity, and privacy cannot be guaranteed.

I am prepared to take on full responsibility for managing this whole thing if that makes anyone feel better about it.
Anyone can also feel free to tell me why it's a horrible idea right off the bat.
 
Bonsai Nut said:
I love the idea. As with most things, it comes down to the spirit with which it is intended. A positive intent, with positive outcomes... we need more of this in the world.
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Thanks, Greg! I know I few folks I'll start pointing this way, and anyone is free to do the same.
 
As a recovering alcoholic, I love this idea. When I'm with my trees, time stops and I forget I'm an addict. Bonsai is my happy place and has become a healthier addiction.
My trees got stolen a day before my one year anniversary and I just lost it. I need to be careful I'm not investing all of my happiness in my trees. Loss is a part of bonsai...
 
Kahless said:
As a recovering alcoholic, I love this idea. When I'm with my trees, time stops and I forget I'm an addict. Bonsai is my happy place and has become a healthier addiction.
My trees got stolen a day before my one year anniversary and I just lost it. I need to be careful I'm not investing all of my happiness in my trees. Loss is a part of bonsai...
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I've been in recovery almost two years now after a rough divorce.
I'm somewhere around 7 months sober.😐 And that's my record. By ALLOT. Before this 6 weeks was my best time.
As a dear friend who showed up right about the time I started trying to sober up once told me, relapse is part of recovery. Thank GOD he told me that early on, or I wouldn't be sober right now. I would've given up a long time ago. Just like anything, success vs failure isn't in the fall; it's in whether you get back up.

You're definitely NOT alone around here, but it's not up to me to out anyone.
 
ShadyStump said:
Thanks, Greg! I know I few folks I'll start pointing this way, and anyone is free to do the same.
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yeah, thanks for thinking of me, lol. Funny your timing because I myself am feeling the impact of 'replacement addiction' again, with now going overboard ordering things for the front yard. Keeping myself in overwhelm phase, for no good reason other than I am jealous of those English people on the Monty Don show who sound like they spring out of bed in the morning to see what new flower has bloomed.
I got on wanting to copy some of that stuff so late in the year on things that may not even grow now... i ordered a flat peach bare root, and a lot of bulbs. Getting another box on saturday and I will be sweating bad planting it.
I just don't know why I do this to myself.
 
nuttiest said:
yeah, thanks for thinking of me, lol. Funny your timing because I myself am feeling the impact of 'replacement addiction' again, with now going overboard ordering things for the front yard. Keeping myself in overwhelm phase, for no good reason other than I am jealous of those English people on the Monty Don show who sound like they spring out of bed in the morning to see what new flower has bloomed.
I got on wanting to copy some of that stuff so late in the year on things that may not even grow now... i ordered a flat peach bare root, and a lot of bulbs. Getting another box on saturday and I will be sweating bad planting it.
I just don't know why I do this to myself.
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I am JUST NOW getting to where I'm not running around looking for plants and trees just to keep myself from running around buying booze.🙄
Why do I have a brocade willow? I don't even like them!

Just takes time and practice.
 
why do we get trapped? one of the free seedlings from my lawn is the worst bonsai material yet I keep trying. Golden rain tree.
 
I know that part of it, for me at least, is that when you first start seeing the world through bonsai eyes, you start to find potential in every leaf and twig.

When I was in education I would try to get my students to things like weird tree picture posts and the like; try and get them to look up around them, stop taking the world for granted. I wanted them to see the possibilities in the mundane.
Never worked. LoL But I felt like I was getting close.
 
ShadyStump said:
when you first start seeing the world through bonsai eyes
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I so miss that feeling. I think I feel getting a new hobby or walking it back to old hobbies is hopefully going to spark some of that, or at least I can wipe the dust out of tainted eyes.

But back to addiction - I have a question about the contradictions in therapy and what to do when you run across that? Have you run across any yet?
 
Sometimes, yeah, it can feel like that.
Been seeing a therapist on and off for at least 10 years, there have been a handful of them. They don't all agree, and some are just plain useless, or can't keep their personal thoughts and beliefs to themselves.

I just learned to take it all with a grain of salt, and remember the context.
It's normal to be sad sometimes, and angry others, and even happy once in a while. We also should question our feelings routinely. Don't believe everything you think.
 
What a nice new idea for a thread!
Bonsai has been essential in my recovery program. When I got sober (March 22, 1984), I had a really difficult time dealing with the spiritual aspect of AA, and having grown up gay in a fundamentalist household, there wasn't any prospect of an easy resolution.
In the depths of my addiction I was growing not just marijuana but also opium poppies and all the herbs to make my own absinthe. All of these were very successful in both horticultural and physiological effects. I also had a huge vegetable garden.
So in early sobriety, I needed a new horticultural fix that would feed my spirit and bonsai was the answer!
My eventual spiritual direction has been in the direction of Taoism which of course relates very well to bonsai. There have been many bumps in the road in my life in general, in my spiritual experience, and in my bonsai journey. So, I've been sober for 39 years, but ALL of those early trees died. Nevertheless, I learned a lot from them: For me, the primary lesson of bonsai is patience and that has been valuable every day of my life.
 
Hehe, I was just getting stuff together to try home brewing and distilling when I realized how deep in I was. As much as I appreciate not being stone drunk and foggy every day now, I am a bit disappointed I never got to experiment with homemade stills.

I still play with fermenting kimchi and nonalcoholic ginger beer, but the ginger beer is a fine line to walk. Too cold and it won't ferment hardly at all; too warm and and it becomes alcoholic, and you never know if it's alcoholic until it's too late.
 
So, I feel like I've been doing really good with my drinking. Sober since mid January some time. My previous record was 6 weeks, but I made this stretch mostly on accident, not even realizing it'd been 3 months, then 6...

Anyways, last night I had my first REAL fight with temptation in months. Nothing extreme, just I'd gotten used to it being easy but last night I had to actually put mental effort into it.

Anyways, I guess I'm just mentioning it as an accountability thing. Seems I should throw it out there now because I know there's some major added stressors on the way, so it ain't getting any easier anytime soon.
 
Damn! Shoulda got here sooner!

(For the record, shady, you can ALWAYS "out me" for the sake of giving my nose the scent of a thread. You know me well enough to know, mostly, what is "up my alley")

🤓

I will be back to tell ya'll a lengthy story... Shortly.

(Also, to Shady's credit, he DID inform me over text message about this thread.. I just procrastinate)

🤣🤣
 
And here’s the dysfunctional vet!!!!!
Unfortunately, I’ve done nothing but live addiction since the military. 12 years of mental health meds by the fist full, had to get away from those. Bring on the booze(not that I wasn’t already drinking)and smoking trees. Various levels of drunkenness, quit a few times, year and a half was the longest. But I have a lot of up and downs mentally which affects the level of drinking. I’ll figure it out eventually. Over the past 17 years the one constant has been my trees. There is nothing more peaceful than sitting in the middle of all my trees. Watching them blow in the breeze as I try to quiet my mind. Now that I’ve retired from coaching recreation soccer, I’ve created a miniature forest to hang out in. Which is by far one of my favorite places to be.
 
Dysfunctional Vet said:
And here’s the dysfunctional vet!!!!!
Unfortunately, I’ve done nothing but live addiction since the military. 12 years of mental health meds by the fist full, had to get away from those. Bring on the booze(not that I wasn’t already drinking)and smoking trees. Various levels of drunkenness, quit a few times, year and a half was the longest. But I have a lot of up and downs mentally which affects the level of drinking. I’ll figure it out eventually. Over the past 17 years the one constant has been my trees. There is nothing more peaceful than sitting in the middle of all my trees. Watching them blow in the breeze as I try to quiet my mind. Now that I’ve retired from coaching recreation soccer, I’ve created a miniature forest to hang out in. Which is by far one of my favorite places to be.
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Discovered the other day how important my morning routine is. I get up, I get coffee, start the sprinklers on the gardens and trees, and buttle around checking on everything.

Then on Sunday I somehow slept in for the first time in months. An actual 8 hrs of rest. Doesn't happen often for me.
But that of course meant my whole routine was shot, which was never a big deal in the past. Just adapt and do what needs done. But this time I was in an absolute funk all day. Whatever there was, my brain just wasn't having it.
Then I took a moment to run the hose on the grass. 15 minutes of that and I was fine.
 
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