Hobby vs Obsession

One thing I like about this hobby is that it is one that, with a little preparatory setup, you can step away from for a few weeks for a vacation of whatever, and not panic that everything will be dead when you return. Additionally, no matter where you live, there will be months of the year when there really isn't much to be done. Even in SoCal, my trees would go dormant at least from Dec-Feb, and some parts of the country it is a lot longer than that. It is actually a hobby that forces you to take time away from the hobby every now and then.
 
I am afraid that your husband is obsessed with bonsai. Bonsai art is a very important part of my life but i never have a conversation about bonsai with people that show no interest about bonsai. My family, my relatives and all the people i personally know are not interested about bonsai and i am fine with that. As soon as i realize people are getting bored with my bonsai story i change the subject.

tiredspouse said:
Can you guys give me an idea.of what this hobby looks like day to day? He has OCD like tendencies and im wondering if he is becoming obsessed over this hobby.
Click to expand...


There really is not much work with bonsai, if you are not a Japanese master with hundreds of trees. How many bonsai trees your husband have?
I can share with you my bonsai calendar:
Early spring: i take a few days with repotting or digging up some trees from nature. Let's say 2 to max 5 days in April. Middle or late spring: i would take a day or two for pruning or/and wirnig. Mid summer: another day of pruning, if needed. Autumn and winter: no work. Maybe a structural pruning and wiring in late winter or early spring: max few hours. During middle spring, summer and early fall you just need to water your bonsai trees daily, which shouldn't take longer than 5 -20 minutes per day, depends of how big your collection is. During very hot summer some people water their trees twice per day and that's it. I have almost no work with my 17 bonsai trees other then watching and admiring them about 10 - 30 mins per day:) So lets say, on an average day during growing season i spend about 20 - 40 mins for my bonsai trees.
 
Last edited:
As other's have mentioned, there are worse things he could be doing. You said he doesn't work, so is he responsible for child care, laundry, household chores? And does he take care of his responsibilities before spending time with his trees? I think the answer to that may provide you with the answer if it is a hobby or an obsession. My husband wasn't too thrilled when I started in the hobby, But now that he sees it wasn't a passing fad, and that I've stuck with it, he lets me go about my merry way. I even use his FB account to peruse the bonsai auctions.;)
 
Everything I do, I take to the logical extreme. Naturally, that's a double-edged sword. OCD is a mental frame of mind that seeks a focus. It can focus on business and lead to growing a company from part-time in a garage to Apple-size industrial giant, or a lifetime of struggle never quite succeeding in a gas station in a bad location. The amount of effort between the two eventualities is not much different. Neither person would have much time left over for outside interests. One might be faulted for loving the business too much and the other for not being a very good businessman or person while both may have felt they were trapped and couldn't escape. OCD types may fall into a bottle or drugs or some other totally unproductive focus. There are sports nuts, collectors, health freaks, cooks, readers, and a million other interests that grab someone's attention and won't let go. It's not a voluntary relationship.

Rather than fighting what is, perhaps a better strategy for the unwilling passenger would be to learn enough about the syndrome to steer the ship. Quietly buy a few books on the condition and learn how to deal with this kind of personality. Probably should get some kid-gloves, too.
 
Cadillactaste said:
If he needs two watering so. But, possibly suggest a watering system for him to install. That would take some time to initially install. In the end, freeing up that period at the end of the day. At least watering...
Click to expand...

Great comment except for this. For some hand watering is important as hugging a child or petting your cat. Each tree is individual. Not to mention negatives about trusting automatic system to be reliable or perfect for each tree;).
 
I am afraid that once bitten byu the hobby, it can become quite pervasive. With an open mind, and without accusations, discuss with him that you miss spending time with him and talking about the rest of life.
It might be a process of mourning for him. But it could also just be he is being swallowed by a hobby that for many is a lifestyle. You need to jointly find the right balance.
 
Forsoothe! said:
Everything I do, I take to the logical extreme. Naturally, that's a double-edged sword. OCD is a mental frame of mind that seeks a focus. It can focus on business and lead to growing a company from part-time in a garage to Apple-size industrial giant, or a lifetime of struggle never quite succeeding in a gas station in a bad location. The amount of effort between the two eventualities is not much different. Neither person would have much time left over for outside interests. One might be faulted for loving the business too much and the other for not being a very good businessman or person while both may have felt they were trapped and couldn't escape. OCD types may fall into a bottle or drugs or some other totally unproductive focus. There are sports nuts, collectors, health freaks, cooks, readers, and a million other interests that grab someone's attention and won't let go. It's not a voluntary relationship.

Rather than fighting what is, perhaps a better strategy for the unwilling passenger would be to learn enough about the syndrome to steer the ship. Quietly buy a few books on the condition and learn how to deal with this kind of personality. Probably should get some kid-gloves, too.
Click to expand...

So many perfectly applicable things said here.. not sure which one to agree with MORE..

People who say “I’m so OCD about this.. or I’m really ADHD right now.” Clearly have NO idea how CRIPPLING , frustrating, painful as well as REWARDING this “focus” can be...

Relationships torn to threads... lives in shambles kind of stuff is often MORESO the reality of these afflictions.

Your parallels define that quite nicely, thank you.

(the “Bottle” and drugs thing is SPOT on too... It makes the “madness” stop long enough to ‘somewhat relax’ and ‘shut it off’....I was drinking almost 2 1/2 liters of vodka a day.. still working.. functioning. You’d ALSO be hard pressed to find a harder-drug that I didn’t cook into an aqueous solution and place into my veins for any period of time... I’ve been “clean” for over 4 years.. and “Dry” for 1 year ((1 year TODAY, actually)), but it TAKES dealing with “this” HEAD on... the harder ASPECTS of OCD are most certainly latent, making it strange to deal with “going crazy” :) So if you are self-medicating while this change is taking place.. you don’t ACTUALLY realize “how you are” until you step back.

(sorry for the written word equivalent of “cover fire” ...just attempting to help the “understanding”)
 
Last edited:
tiredspouse said:
I guess in trying not to sound too negative about it, i didnt stress ENOUGH just how much this hobby is taking my husband away from me. Perhaps this is normal to be all consumed by the trees? Im trying to understand if this is something you all experience as well and if so, maybe you can provide some advise to a spouse who is really struggling.
Click to expand...
Such intense day-to-day work isn't really a great thing for bonsai. You can tell your husband that more trees are killed by beginners with overcare than anything else. The urge to "do something" every day leads to overwatering, overfertilization, overpruning, etc

I've been at this for 25 years, I typically spend about 20 minutes per day on "tree work" except in busy times like late winter (hard pruning) early spring (repotting) and fall (preparing for winter storage). Those intense times can take me all day or even several days--with work broken up into several hour sessions.

He's getting started with bonsai, though. His efforts may begin to lessen as he begins to understand that "benign neglect" is one of the best tools in his toolbox. Simply allowing trees to grow is an integral part of bonsai. Takes some time (and a few dead trees) to learn that.
 
Obsessive, Repulsive Disorder is just one facet of personality. It can be the best or the worst component or just one of many negative ways of dealing with the world. These are the people who go the extra mile. Exactly how they deal with the people around them who also have personal needs is separate. The doctor that is always available (aren't they all?) and the drunk that can't stop drinking until he passes out both can feel thwarted by the needs of their families. They can strike out or respond in kind. It's always a two-way street, good and bad.
 
Forsoothe! said:
Obsessive, Repulsive Disorder is just one facet of personality. It can be the best or the worst component or just one of many negative ways of dealing with the world. These are the people who go the extra mile. Exactly how they deal with the people around them who also have personal needs is separate. The doctor that is always available (aren't they all?) and the drunk that can't stop drinking until he passes out both can feel thwarted by the needs of their families. They can strike out or respond in kind. It's always a two-way street, good and bad.
Click to expand...

Ex

ACTLY!
 
HorseloverFat said:
So many perfectly applicable things said here.. not sure which one to agree with MORE..

People who say “I’m so OCD about this.. or I’m really ADHD right now.” Clearly have NO idea how CRIPPLING , frustrating, painful as well as REWARDING this “focus” can be...

Relationships torn to threads... lives in shambles kind of stuff is often MORESO the reality of these afflictions.

Your parallels define that quite nicely, thank you.

(the “Bottle” and drugs thing is SPOT on too... It makes the “madness” stop long enough to ‘somewhat relax’ and ‘shut it off’....I was drinking almost 2 1/2 liters of vodka a day.. still working.. functioning. You’d ALSO be hard pressed to find a harder-drug that I didn’t cook into an aqueous solution and place into my veins for any period of time... I’ve been “clean” for over 4 years.. and “Dry” for 1 year ((1 year TODAY, actually)), but it TAKES dealing with “this” HEAD on... the harder ASPECTS of OCD are most certainly latent, making it strange to deal with “going crazy” :) So if you are self-medicating while this change is taking place.. you don’t ACTUALLY realize “how you are” until you step back.

(sorry for the written word equivalent of “cover fire” ...just attempting to help the “understanding”)
Click to expand...

(((Edit)))

Between 1 and 1/2- 2 liters.. typed that wrong.. gotta come “packing” honesty.
 
Anthony said:
:Do_OWondering was this a troll, who wanted to see how
much gossip, they could get out of you all:rolleyes::p

Prime rule - never bring personal business to the Internet.
Try - Fakebook - please
Click to expand...

If it IS.. joke’s on THEM... I LOVE to talk! 😂😂😂
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

S
New to bonsai and looking for advice to start as a hobby
Replies
11
Views
553
defra
defra
D
New to hobby from Singapore
Replies
9
Views
548
declay
D
O
Gonna Get Into the Hobby
Replies
10
Views
781
plant_dr
plant_dr
O
Gonna Get into the Hobby
Replies
8
Views
424
Orion_metalhead
Orion_metalhead
M
Chamaecyparis pisifera 'Boulevard' please help me heal my tree, I'm very new to the hobby and I pruned my tree pretty badly plus I was dealing scales
Replies
6
Views
873
memexnoob
M
Back
Top Bottom