Any bonsai conspiracy theorists out there?

BillsBayou

BillsBayou

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There's a secret cabal out there. They influence the direction of the art to meet Their own agenda. Worse, They use bonsai to advance a political agenda. Before They shut down this thread or have me silenced for suggesting They exist, what have you heard? Will you dare to speak out about Them?

I'll begin. The grassy knoll wasn't always grassy. Someone got in there and collected the boxwoods to clear the sniper's view. Every now and then, a progress photo leaks out. These boxwood bonsai aren't supposed to exist. 60 years later, if knowledge came to light that bonsai had a roll in the JFK assassination, it would expose too many collections to government seizure.
 
See Bill, you are not asking the right questions hereā€¦šŸ¤”ā€¦Just the same as JFK was shot from the grassy knoll using an ice bullet from an unknown assassin's rifle so that no trace remained, the box woods were dug with an ice shovel by an unknown bonsai artist so that no trace of their collection remained. Did the box woods meet the same bleak fate as the assassin on grassy knollā€¦or are they at large in our bonsai society, their existence unbeknownstā€¦.
 
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BillsBayou said:
There's a secret cabal out there. They influence the direction of the art to meet Their own agenda. Worse, They use bonsai to advance a political agenda. Before They shut down this thread or have me silenced for suggesting They exist, what have you heard? Will you dare to speak out about Them?

I'll begin. The grassy knoll wasn't always grassy. Someone got in there and collected the boxwoods to clear the sniper's view. Every now and then, a progress photo leaks out. These boxwood bonsai aren't supposed to exist. 60 years later, if knowledge came to light that bonsai had a roll in the JFK assassination, it would expose too many collections to government seizure.
Click to expand...
Don't get me started.
Certain Asian government has introduced bonsai philosophy to America and another sells bonsai tools for cheap. As one example of many other species, the resulting collection of BCs in marshland has resulted in massive loss of landmass, causing America immeasurable damage. If knowledge came to light that bonsai had a roll in the land loss, it would expose too many collections to government seizure. This includes the famous Vaugh Banting's BC at the museum!
 
Bonsai was introduced by the Chinese government. As distraction tool to prevent humans from asking why highly dangerous scientific research funded by the US government was done in China with no way to prove if something escaped from the lab. Why would any "expert" from America think this was a good idea?
 
The most immediate conspiracy theory I have is that @BillsBayou started this thread to distract us from making good bonsai. When our bonsai look terrible, we will then have to buy Haydite from him to improve our bonsai. With the manufaturer of Haydite "ceasing core operation", @BillsBayou has the market cornered and can demand any price.
 
This just came in over the wire:
Apparently, bonsai, penjing, what-have-you, did not exist until July 8, 1947. Everything we have indicating that bonsai existed prior to the landing in Roswell, New Mexico is part of an alien conspiracy to take over our planet. The aliens may be far superior in intellect, but they are only 3 to 6 inches tall. Worse yet, their offspring are currently gestating in plain view beneath our trees. It's the mud-men. Only those brave enough to speak out against mud-men will do so. As for everyone else, if you have mud-men beneath your bonsai, smash them now before it is too late!
 
BrightsideB said:
I see people are trying hard to not bring up bonsai soil šŸ§. Very strangeā€¦
Click to expand...
That one's easy. Every time a shipment of Akadama leaves Japan, the Japanese people are laughing their asses off. "Dirt! We're selling them DIRT! AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!"
 
BillsBayou said:
That one's easy. Every time a shipment of Akadama leaves Japan, the Japanese people are laughing their asses off. "Dirt! We're selling them DIRT! AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!"
Click to expand...
I was in Santorini and mentioned about planting trees in pumice to a local. He gave me a quizzical look and said: "No one in their right mind would plan a tree in pumice. It's everywhere on the island. It is difficult to grow plants in pumice."
BTW, the local NAPA guys know me as "that crazy bonsai guy".
 
BillsBayou said:
That one's easy. Every time a shipment of Akadama leaves Japan, the Japanese people are laughing their asses off. "Dirt! We're selling them DIRT! AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!"
Click to expand...
Dude itā€™s special dirtā€¦ and in a @NaoTK pot. The bonsai will withstand hurricanes. @Cajunrider knows this! I see whatā€™s going on hereā€¦
 
BillsBayou said:
This just came in over the wire:
Apparently, bonsai, penjing, what-have-you, did not exist until July 8, 1947. Everything we have indicating that bonsai existed prior to the landing in Roswell, New Mexico is part of an alien conspiracy to take over our planet. The aliens may be far superior in intellect, but they are only 3 to 6 inches tall. Worse yet, their offspring are currently gestating in plain view beneath our trees. It's the mud-men. Only those brave enough to speak out against mud-men will do so. As for everyone else, if you have mud-men beneath your bonsai, smash them now before it is too late!
Click to expand...
Check out his posts. @Fidur is the head mud-man that has been hiding in broad daylight.
 
BillsBayou said:
There's a secret cabal out there. They influence the direction of the art to meet Their own agenda. Worse, They use bonsai to advance a political agenda. Before They shut down this thread or have me silenced for suggesting They exist, what have you heard? Will you dare to speak out about Them?

I'll begin. The grassy knoll wasn't always grassy. Someone got in there and collected the boxwoods to clear the sniper's view. Every now and then, a progress photo leaks out. These boxwood bonsai aren't supposed to exist. 60 years later, if knowledge came to light that bonsai had a roll in the JFK assassination, it would expose too many collections to government seizure.
Click to expand...
the only trees in Dealey Plaza are live oaks and cedar elms. šŸ˜ Secret Service reenactment photo Nov. 1963

sservicedealeyplaza.jpg
 
Cajunrider said:
There is no bonsai soil other than Haydite.
Click to expand...
It's all Haydite. The Haydite cabal has its fingers in everyone's pots. Akadama? Japanese Haydite. Lava/scoria? Colorado Haydite. Pumice? Oregon Haydite. Zeolite? Nevada Haydite. Pine bark? You wouldn't believe me if I told you.
 
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