When you just feel hollow

[Paulpash]

My dad passed away a few days ago. He was in hospital for about a month and we couldn't visit him which hurt. He was a lovely man and I miss him greatly already. My hobby, which has been so amazing for the last 30 years, seems unimportant and silly at the moment and summoning up the energy for them is hard. I hope to regain my passion for bonsai and to post regularly again but all I feel like doing at the moment is going to sleep.

As a down to earth bloke from Yorkshire I know I'm not the first to be going through this shit part of my life and I won't be the last. I hope others who have already sailed this course & have regained their enthusiasm can help. Thanks for reading...

 

[BackyardBonsai]

Sincerest condolences my friend. Time is what you need right now. I don't know what else to help to cheer you up. Am sorry for the one of the biggest lost in our life.

 

[sorce]

Well First, as soon as I opened this thread I was thinking, "here's some great experience still here".
Thought you and Bobby were getting down on a tree together or something.

Second, it sucks that you couldn't visit, but always closer than even human contact, is the power of our hearts, and the love that goes between, regardless of presence. This love continues even now. If we want for it, death can make relationships grow stronger. Human Bodies have always been temporary.

Third, to keep them more forever than they ever were. Consider having an Ash Glaze made, so he can don a beautiful bonsai pot for you forever!

I never met your father, but I have a feeling, if he is anything like you, he'd want you to continue to care for your trees, and continue to share with us your experience.

Care to share a story?

Stay Up Friend! I'll bet he is already enjoying his new beginning!

Sorce

 

[BobbyLane]

sorry for your loss buddy. just remember, you could always leave the trees in the care of mother nature and dig them up when you feel the bug again.

all the best

 

[LanceMac10]

You have my sympathies @Paulpash .

 

[AZbonsai]

I am sorry for your loss friend! Particularly cruel in that you were not able to be with him in the end. My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.
Sincerely,

A Down to Earth Bloke from Arizona.
Randy

 

[August44]

Sorry for your loss. The pain will go away soon and the flowers will bloom again. Keep a smile and help it along. You have the support of many brothers and sisters on this site. I will pray for your healing! Peter

 

[Josh88]

I’m sorry to hear this news Paul. Know that there are many in this community who are sending you good thoughts. Time will let you find a place in your heart to carry this on. His memory will live on with you and with everyone who you share whatever wisdom he helped impart to you. Take care and know you are not alone.

 

[Cadillactaste]

Deepest heartfelt condolences...My heart aches...for you and ones facing these challenging times where Covid restrictions are keeping loved ones away from each other at the end. What an emotional battle in the stages of losing a parent. But, to add additional stress and unrest with those restrictions. Breaks me. I know a few in your shoes...My own uncle chose to stop his dialasis so he could choose to be with family at his last breathe. Difficult choices made...And not all have that luxury. Stolen was the last days...and for that...I truely am so sorry. I pray...that you rest...that your mental exhaution from this unpleasent journey forced upon you additionally with those freakin' restrictions...That you find rest...And an inner peace. My trees...were neglected but for horticultural care when my dad was fading here on earth...and yeah, I went through the stages of grief and each one is their own. But...I see you finding that passion again. Right now, you have every right to grieve...and be frustrated at the limitations set at this time. To scream in a room at the top of your lungs...From frustration and anger. You do you...in this time. There is no wrong way...I hate you and your family had to deal with the restrictions...along with the loss. For that...I don't know what you experienced. It's a different period in time...But...I HATE...HATE that anyone is facing those days...Breaks me. My prayers cover you and your family...as you take this time to grieve...and regroup from the emotional toil you faced additionally.

 

[penumbra]

Your feelings are natural and the void will be filled. When I experienced a great loss 2 years back I took solace in my plants. That is why I am here today.

 

[Brian Van Fleet]

Very sorry for your loss, Paul.

 

[TomB]

Very sorry to hear this Paul. Take care of yourself right now, the trees can wait.

 

[Djtommy]

A lot of what we do to our trees and how we feel about them is silly and unimportant. To other people especially. But remember that you do bonsai for yourself, because you like it.
you always have and you always will.

also, even your down and feel like having no energy, your trees keep growing, you have to take care of them even it’s just watering. This is a good thing because it keeps you aware that life goes on.
When you can, take a tree inside and do some work on it. When I feel down about something I like doing this as it takes my mind away from the problems even if it’s just for a while. See it as a break from feeling down.

 

[River's Edge]

Sorry for your loss. The heart will weigh heavy for some time. It is not the same for everyone. You will begin to recall the fond memories and the important lessons shared. In time, the memories will support you and continue to support the lives of your family members. Be kind to yourself on the journey!

 

[Silentrunning]

Sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my father 30 years ago and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of him. Dwell on the good memories. It will bring joy out of pain.

 

[Carol 83]

So sorry to hear of your dad's passing. Hopefully, down the road working on your trees will bring a bit of solace.

 

[Starfox]

Sincerest condolences Paul to you and your family.

 

[Shibui]

I can understand some of what you are feeling. We are currently facing this situation too.
My Dad has been moved to the hospital as he can no longer walk properly. Unlikely to ever go home again.
At least we are still able to visit the ward even if just 2 people for an hour each day.

Keep your father's memory alive while also keeping on with your own life.

 

[Wires_Guy_wires]

I'm very sorry to hear this.
I hope you can find some small things to brighten up your days. It's what keeps me going; sooner rather than later, I'll be losing my mom. Final stage cancer.

Today was a good day, because we did some gardening together. Well, she sat in a chair and told me what I was doing wrong, with a huge smile on her face. It's those things that help me be the rock for the rest of the family to hang on to.

But rocks, no matter where they're at or how big they are, will break. Keep in mind that it's a thing that happens to all rocks, big or small. And that's alright.
I'd like people to remember that.

I truly hope that your memories of him are never lost.

 

[kale]

@Paulpash very very sorry to hear about your father. I hope you are able to grieve in the best possible way.